Outside of recovery circles (and even sometimes in them) people who fall into addiction aren’t given permission to grieve. They’re supposed to overcome, repent, fix, get their shit together—and to do it quietly, somewhere else, without inconveniencing everyone else. While I’m not denying the pain and trauma that ripple through the lives of the addicted, nor the responsibility to face and heal what we can, the idea that there’s no real loss for us when we give up drinking, that we’re not entitled to grieve because we’ve brought this upon ourselves, these are destructive, insidious lies. It’s yet another face of the corrosive shame that keeps us bound and tortured in the cycle of addiction. If something is keeping you from being fully present and showing up in your life the way you want, then deciding to change that thing is an actual matter of life and death, you know? It’s the difference between existing and actually living.”

About 1 — Laura McKowen — Author

You deserve to heal. And it’s going to take time. You need to do whatever you need to do to give yourself that chance.” I also had to believe I had in me the capacity for things I could not imagine in my mind. That somewhere within me there was a primal wisdom I could not possibly understand or access, but that not being to didn't make it any less real. There was so much of life beyond my limited mental grasp - most of life, in fact. Breathing, for example. The impossible expanse of the ocean and the underworld it contains. Quantum physics. Animals. My daughter. So when I got really scared and thought a proud, dignified, peaceful sober life was beyond the pale of what was possible for me, I would say to myself, I can't do this, but something inside me can. I can't tell you how many times I've whispered those words in the dark.” Days later, I'm still thinking about parts of Laura's journey through active abuse of alcohol to the freedom of sobriety. Her words are startling, beautiful, and easy to understand. I will not be the only one who says that they relate to Laura and her story. I will be one of many who say, "This is ME!". I think that is the mark of an artist. The ability to write in a way that vastly different people relate because the author is inhabiting a space that is fully human. Siting there, with just a few physical feet between us, I thought, I have an entire world inside me that you know nothing about. I hadn't noticed the totality of the distance I'd created between us until it was so big that I could physically feel it...I will confidently recommend it to people for whom I think it is a good fit. Laura is lovely, her story is compelling, and I love the structure of the 9 essential truths in this book. Most of my life up to that point had been a series of small or large acts of pretending, which made the ground I was standing on shaky and unstable. I was never going to feel whole standing on that ground, even when it appeared to be attractive, solid, and right, because it was built on falsities and my soul knew it.” I’ve found myself inspired to foster my wellness, presentness, and honesty as a therapist, mother, and human. I don't struggle with refraining from alcohol now but the advice was useful for my tendencies to over eat and spend! There are prompts at the end of the chapters to get you writing and thinking about situations and more!

We Are the Luckiest : The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life

And here is the thing we must know about our things if we are ever going to survive them: We believe we can bury them, when the truth is, they're burying us. The will always bury us, eventually.” I realized it wasn't in spite of her pain that she was doing these things but because of it. She knew exactly what it took to walk though the fire. That is what I recognized in her. That was why I believed her.” In The Divine Comedy, Dante described purgatory as a place where the soul is cleansed of all impurities, It is known as a place where suffering and misery are felt to be sharp, but temporary. This for me was what it felt like to have one foot in the new, strange land of sobriety and the other firmly, desperately, in my old life. The is what it feels like for all of us, I think, when we have only half-decided to own our thing, When we have only half-surrendered, only half-committed to becoming different... Furthermore, as someone in long term sobriety, I found her writing and the tools she provided gave me an insertion point from where I am in my life today. While her book touts this, I was still surprised when her questions and tools helped me navigate a specific fear I've grappled with that has nothing to do with drinking! It's also easy to see the value in how it will help many others who are in early sobriety or sober curious or struggling with issues other than alcohol or substances. Most importantly, I found myself hoping that her words would be able to reach as many women as possible. Her story has the power to motivate others to consider changing their drinking habits to embrace a life worth living. Personal responsibility + change ain’t always easy

Customer reviews

Maybe it’s helpful to linger there for a minute, in the terrible and the necessary. To start to see them as the same. Maybe in this way, pain is not such a problem” When you are high functioning in your day-to-day life, it's easy to write off these 'things' that get in the way, because they are not 'really' getting in the way after all. They aren't causing harm to others and why does it matter if it's not hurting anyone else?

We Are the Luckiest Quotes by Laura McKowen - Goodreads

if you truly want to live with peace in your heart and be free of the burdens of the past — you must be brave enough to be willing to look at yourself honestly, clearly, and without reservation. You must take responsibility for everything that’s ever happened to you. Not blame. Responsibility.” I chose to read this as I’m working with many people at various points in their sobriety journey. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but after finishing this book, there are words, emotions, and stories that I think will always stay with me. I’ve already found myself loaning ideas and quotes from this raw and captivating book both with my patients and in my personal life. This is the 10 percent withholding. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but right then they agreed it was okay to lie to each other - even if only a little...But they were always operating just left of center, hovering around the truth of who they were, unwilling to life the film from their eyes. While I was reading this beautifully written, raw, and honest novel, a part of me was thinking, "Well my 'flaws', my 'addictions' are nowhere near that bad. they don't harm anyone. they don't make it so I can't live my day to day life. They are harmless compared to all this." Things like approval seeking, people-pleasing, not voicing my opinions, and avoiding conflict at any cost — these were all dishonesty masked as something sweeter and more socially acceptable.”It’s supposed to be difficult. It’s supposed to take everything you have. It’s supposed to take longer than you want and to change you, completely. This often won’t feel good when it’s happening, but nothing worth having ever does." The book closes with part of one of my favorite poems, from Rilke. She doesn't include the last lines, but here they are: Maybe I felt like she would be too intimidating. Too perfect. A shining example of a woman who has it all figured out and is surviving in sobriety.

Luckiest Club Sign In | The Luckiest Club

But you can decide—by no longer allowing the circumstances of your life to victimize you—that none of it owns you anymore. You can say, Now, I know better. Now, I know different. I am not helpless anymore. And then you can go about doing the hard work of healing. This is the singular, hard truth I come up against every day: I am the only one responsible for my experience." Often for me, faith simply meant deciding to trust the people who had gone before me. Like the women whose books I had read...surely they couldn't all just be full of shit, right? I had faith in that.” Thank you Laura for the gift of this book, and thank you Nora for posting about it. I listened through tears repeatedly. For my friends who may read this review... Find this title with Libby, the award-winning and much-loved app for local libraries, by OverDrive.This is the singular, hard truth I come up against every day: I am the only one responsible for my experience.” The effort of putting words to my experiences, of trying to describe things as accurately as possible, felt like it was saving my life. One sentence at a time, I was writing my way to an understanding and a grace I could not otherwise reach. I breathed power into a new life for myself and also slowly started to make sense of what I'd never been able to before.”