I respect Jennie Allen, but this book bothered my conscience at times. There was a large amount of biblical truth in this book, and her practical tools were helpful, but at times I felt like Jennie Allen was out of touch with her audience and, to be frank, insensitive and prideful. I had a few big issues with this book:

Even if you don’t know Lane personally, she still feels like someone you’ve known for years. And that’s exactly what reading How to Be Alone feels like: having an honest conversation with an old friend.”— Hello Giggles Find any research stats, talk to anyone, and you'll confirm the majority of us are lonely. Modern life after the industrial revolution destroyed communities and "villages" of common life — and the proximate friendships necessary to simply live life, raise families, and be the church. From Lane Moore, the critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alon e, comes a searingly intimate, yet wildly funny exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult. Part memoir, part self-help, You Will Find Your People uncovers the complex, frightening, and often vulnerable process of building real, healthy friendships and finally creating your chosen family. Moore takes readers on a journey that examines and challenges the ideas of friendship we’ve seen in pop culture, answers every question you’ve ever had about friend breakups, and teaches us how to fearlessly ask for what we want in friendships once and for all. Full of Moore’s hilarious personal anecdotes, advice on how to identify your attachment style, and real tools to create better communication and boundaries, this book is your personal guide on how to heal from your past friendships, improve your current ones, and finally have the friendships we know we deserve. You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult by Lane Moore – eBookKey takeaways -- It takes a lot of time to develop deep friendships so invest in trying to build up many hours of time with people. Be vulnerable and honest. Have tough, unpleasant conversations. Most important to Allen is that you seek out friendships where you spend a lot of time so you see those people all the time. She says it doesn't matter if you're not close in age or share a lot of things in common but you need to have relationships where you can be in each other's lives and do things like drop by unannounced. She also advocates telling your friends everything and asking things of them. What I loved most about the book was its ability to accurately portray the complexity of forming deep bonds with other people. While often depicted in media as a sorting hat kind of ceremony you do once as a child and then again as young adult, Moore brings that idea into question over and over again, begging the reader to reconsider the evolving nature of friendship - moments it sprouts, upgrades, and occasionally unravels. And even though I am a Christian, I felt like this book was beating you over the head with how Jesus is our example of community, how much God loves you, etc. If you want to write a book about why we need Jesus or the importance of biblical community/church then write that book. She could have had one chapter on the biblical model of community/friendship and moved on. It felt like she didn't have enough actual friendship content/suggestions so every chapter was a little bit of tips and LOTS of repetition about how much God wants us to live in community with others. Overall, I was unimpressed with this book and did not find much at all helpful to me personally.

From Lane Moore, the critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alone, comes a searingly intimate, yet wildly funny exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult. Personally, I have found the past couple of years really tough. In that period of time some of the closest people in my life walked right out of it. I jokingly call it the mass exodus. Every couple of months there was another explosion, another relationship breaking down and whilst I do believe that in most relationship breakdowns there is accountability on all sides, I didn’t see it that way at the time and instead I blamed myself. I told myself that the common denominator was me and therefore I must be a horrible human that people can’t stay friends with for too long.

How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult

The book has been praised by major entertainment names such as Judy Greer, Rachel Bloom and Abbi Jacobson. Have you been surprised to find out that high-profile figures — people most would assume must already have perfect friendship circles — connect so thoroughly with a book about making and nurturing adult friendships? Jennie combines academic research, personal experiences, and Scripture to build the case for why we need to fight for community, and then offers a number of practical tips and action steps at the end of each chapter so that we are not just left with these beautiful but abstract ideas. She both encourages and equips readers to pursue biblical community, challenging us to break the mold of independence that is so prevalent in our culture. If you’re on social media or in any groups online, odds are you have someone who always replies to you, sends you messages, or likes all your posts. These are a lot of subtle interactions that could easily turn into “dude, we should be friends maybe?” messages. So why not try? One woman’s wry, wise, sometimes funny and often melancholy reminder that friends can be demanding and complicating, love is imperfect and obligating, and you can’t count on a hard-charging cavalry of people who were just right for you to come riding over the hill and sweep you away.”— NPR’s Weekend Edition

The key to being friends with your exes is, without a single doubt in my mind: very clear boundaries and communication on both sides. As a musician, Moore is the frontperson and songwriter in the band “It Was Romance,” which BUST Magazine named the Best Band of 2015, and Billboard named one of 16 Female-Fronted Bands You Should Know. Fast forward. As I read this I absolutely loved the message of building your community. About getting together more with friends. About building your relationships. But then it made me really panic. O my gosh I am an absolutely terrible friend! I have so many terrible flaws. How does my best friend even like me?! I have to immediately text her and apologize for being terrible! ThepersonthatImentionedbecomingclosetointhirdyear,J,Iknewthroughchoirpracticeonceaweekbutweneverreallytalked/interacteduntilthirdyear,whenshestarteddatingT'sbestfriend! Find them, and introduce yourself. There is no rule that says “your people” have to live in the same town as you. 4. Participate, even if It’s scary.

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My dear friend Jennie Allen shows us how to make true emotional connections with the right people so that our authentic relationships can be healthy for all."--Lysa TerKeurst, author of It's Not Supposed to Be This Way Moore recently sat down with The Times to discuss why she wanted to write a book about friendship and why so many TV shows such as “Friends” and “New Girl” — where adult friends hang out 24/7, never postpone coffee dates and resolve conflicts in 20 minutes or less — are ultimately about wish fulfillment. Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown I love the idea of having a small group of friends that you get together with and be really involved with. I love the idea of weekly get togethers. I loved the biblical preaching of man is not made to be alone and how it goes into details about that. I love the sense of community. I love sharing the really ugly and the good and getting real about life. So yes, there is a lot of good to this book.