This process is called dissociation. While it is an excellent coping strategy for children, enabling them to endure unbearable situations, it can create problems for adult survivors. Dissociation often becomes a habit, and many survivors continue to dissociate, at least to some degree, whenever they feel threatened or scared: For many survivors, this need for control extends to people as well as to things. You may find it difficult to negotiate or compromise. An intense need for control can make it hard to see someone else’s point of view, and accommodating someone else’s preferences can feel extremely threatening.

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child

Showalter E (1997). Hystories: hysterical epidemics and modern media. New York: Columbia University Press. pp. 149–154. ISBN 0-231-10459-6. Of course my husband did find out. I got herpes and I had to tell him. It broke his heart and we tried to talk about it, but I had gone too far and it was too late to save our marriage. There is nothing anti-male in The Courage to Heal. We certainly do not believe, and have never put forth the idea that “all men are rapists at heart.” The problem of child sexual abuse transcends gender. We discuss abuse by women, men who support women’s healing, and are further gratified that our book has been helpful to so many male survivors. One might say that the recovered memory movement was born when Herman, along with Bass and other anti-patriarchal activists, failed to greet such “new memories” with appropriate skepticism.

Can you really start over again and have a meaningful life?

Rationalizing is the way children explain away abuse. Oh, she couldn’t help it. She was drunk. Survivors invent reasons that excuse the abuser. Four kids were just too much for her. No wonder she didn’t take care of me. Rationalizing protects the abuser and buffers the survivor against the impact of her feelings: The effects of child sexual abuse can be devastating, but they do not have to be permanent. As you read this chapter, you may recognize, perhaps for the first time, some of the ways in which sexual abuse affects your life. Such recognition can be painful, but it is in fact part of the healing process. The Courage to Heal continues to be an invaluable resource for adults sexually abused as children. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis provide survivors with concrete and practical information about the healing process and its many challenges."

The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of

Leave it to Laura Davis, who opened a whole generation with The Courage to Heal, to once again give us what we need-a book about how we come home to each other and ourselves. I want to buy this for everyone I know. And Davis has presented this healing with such compassion, clarity, warmth and good solid prose that this book is unbeatable. No one can turn from its truth." If you don’t let anyone get close to you, no one can hurt you. As one woman explained, You can’t be in an abusive relationship if you don’t get in relationships. Another added, "I kept myself safe and alone." Laura Davis has been writing books that have changed people's lives since 1988. Her first book, The Courage to Heal, co-authored with Ellen Bass, provided a lifeline for millions who had been sexually abused. Her parenting book, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, co-authored with Janis Keyser, gave parents of young children a vote of confidence and the skills to create the families they wanted to have. And with I Thought We'd Never Speak Again, Laura offers guidance and inspiration to those struggling with estranged relationships.I never was a partygoer. I rarely went to bars. I did my drinking alone at home. I drank until I passed out, or until the bottle was empty. It was always the last time I was going to do it, so why not finish it off? A tough sense of humor or biting wit can get you through hard times. As long as you keep people laughing, you maintain a certain protective distance. And as long as you keep laughing, you don’t have to cry: