not imply that adult survivors of dysfunctional families act childishly. It refers to the fact that Others of us, however, are only able to feel forgiveness for our parents from a distance. Thus, while our grief work may bring us powerful feelings of forgiveness, it may still be impossible to feel relaxed or safe around our parents" (229). I'm only about 3 hours in and this is a very easy book to listen to, I'm finding it easier listening than his first book which was very intense I guess. This is kind of soothing for somebody whose parents never listened, and used shame and manipulation to keep me in line. We're estranged at the moment and they will only make up if I accept their narrative that they're perfect and I'm to blame. I am listening to this relating to a lot.

Whether or not you are a childhood trauma survivor, this book is a guide to emotional health. The degree of our mental health is often reflected in the degree to which we love and respect ourselves and others in a myriad of different feeling states. Real self-esteem and real intimacy with others depends on the ability to lovingly be there for oneself and others, whether one's feeling experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Those who can only be there for themselves or another during the "good" times show no constancy, inspire little trust, and are only fair weather friends to themselves and others. The author regularly dips into his own horrific childhood to show how shut down and damaged he became and then recounts his lifelong adult journey of reclaiming his full range of emotions with honest accounts of his mistakes and relapses. Somatization injures the body through a third dynamic: the chronic tightening of the body's musculature to avoid feeling. Muscular contraction against feeling is a physiological form of self-hatred. It is a vicious way to saying no to healthy aspects of the self" (65). I find that Pete Walker's books go hand-in-hand. "The Tao of Fully Feeling..." articulates the what, our states and what needs to happen to move towards a healthier self. "Complex PTSD" explains the how; now that you know what's needed, how in the hell do you do it? Both excellent reads. An adult child can be habituated to both hypervigilance and dissociation. These defenses coexist in the survivor whose body is hypervigilantly tense and contracted, but whose awareness is dissociated and not preoccupied with careful watching" (124).

Many of us were so thoroughly rejected by our parents that we falsely view ourselves as ugly. Many of our parents exacerbated our awful self-image by grooming us poorly and by outfitting us in unflattering clothes and hairstyles" (137). Complex PTSD : From Surviving To Thriving is a comprehensive, user-friendly, self-help guide to recovering from the lingering effects of childhood trauma. It is an overview of the tasks of recovering, and an illumination of the silver linings that can come out of effective recovery work. It contains a great many practical tools and techniques for recovering from Cptsd. It is also copiously illustrated with examples of his own and others' journeys of recovering. The Tao of Fully Feeling is a kind and calm voice that guides you to discover feelings you buried deep down and legitimize these feelings. I find the contents well-written and highly relatable. We have to walk down the path of anger, blame, grief, self-forgiveness, and maybe eventual forgiveness. Toxic shame is the product of prolonged exposure in childhood to parental disapproval and disgust" (xii).

Those who finally come to terms with their grief no longer struggle with the desire to be finished with it forever. They have learned to cherish their ability to grieve, and value it as an irreplaceable tool of emotional hygiene" (111). Dissociation protects us in childhood from absorbing the full toxicity of destructive parental messages" (118).

The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame, has been acclaimed by many therapists and clients as a powerful, compassionate and pragmatic tool for guiding recovery. Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child, wrote: “Pete Walker wrote a book about his own recovery from emotional numbness. The author passionately explores as thoroughly as possible the role of emotions in human life. The result is not only a moving, honest recount but also an informative guide for people who want to become more aware of their buried feelings. Walker’s well explained concept of ‘reparenting’ will help them go through this fascinating process in a safe, protected way.” The Tao of fully feeling: Harvesting forgiveness out of blame by Pete Walker – eBook Details Survivors who are still in denial about the dysfunctionality of their families should not be blamed or shamed. The blinders of denial had to be used for many years. Many of us have become habituated to them, and I know many survivors of savage abuse who honestly believe their parents took good care of them. How much harder then is it for those who 'only' suffered emotional neglect to understand how seriously they were deprived?" (18).

The Tao of Fully Feeling describes the middle ground of emotional aliveness that lies between emotional deadness and emotional explosiveness. It helps us to soften and relax into our feelings without exiling them or enshrining them. It guides us to be emotionally expressive in benign, intimacy-enhancing ways. Without access to our dysphoric feelings, we are deprived of the most fundamental part of our ability to notice when something is unfair, abusive, or neglectful. Those who cannot feel their sadness often do not know when they are being unfairly excluded, and those who cannot feel their normal angry or fearful responses to abuse, are often in danger of putting up with it without protest. Whether or not we unconsciously act our blame through scapegoating, most of us unfairly blame ourselves for the deficits we suffer from poor parenting. We scapegoat ourselves rather than consider that our parents might have seriously injured us, especially since complaining about bad parenting is one of our culture's ultimate taboos" (12).titles alone vividly capture the collapse of the institution of parenting in our culture: Prisoners of Thus, while it may be fairly easy to like oneself when feelings of love, happiness or serenity are present, deeper psychological health is seen only in the individual who can maintain a posture of self-compassion and self-respect in the times of emotional hurt that accompany life's inevitable losses, disappointments and unforeseen difficulties. Pete's first book, The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame, is now also an audio book. It has been acclaimed by many therapists and clients as a powerful, compassionate and pragmatic tool for guiding recovery. Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child, wrote: "Pete Walker wrote a book about his own recovery from emotional numbness. The author passionately explores as thoroughly as possible the role of emotions in human life. The result is not only a moving, honest recount but also an informative guide for people who want to become more aware of their buried feelings. Walker's well explained concept of 'reparenting' will help them go through this fascinating process in a safe, protected way." The warming anger of grieving is especially helpful in thawing the inner child out of the frozenness of fear" (59). If we do not recognize the exact nature of our parents' transgressions, we risk tolerating similar kinds of hurtfulness in the present. Children who are not allowed to blame their parents' bad behavior often become adults who do not protect themselves from abuse" (13).