Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free

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Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free

Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free

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Clean and clear agreements involve anticipating everything that could go wrong and putting a proactive boundary in place. To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. She’s vacillating between feeling being over-boundaried, which is too rigid, or being under-boundaried, which is too porous, right, if we’re talking about boundaries. The most successful and satisfied people on the planet have one thing in the ability to create and communicate clear, healthy boundaries. So for those in my audience who haven’t known you as long as I do, can you take us through a bit of your backstory and your journey from being a talent agent to being a psychotherapist, and why boundaries is so important to your mission of empowerment?

You can tell Terry wrote it to actually genuinely help people, as a recovering people pleaser herself, and it does.When you draw a boundary, you have to really look in and it’s like I guide you through this in the book of like, top-of-mind, at the end of the chapters like this thing, like think about this. Loved this book- the explanation of how to figure out why you’re experiencing challenges was very helpful, and the book had lots of exercises and real life suggestions for how to get to know yourself and kindly set limits. What are these distinctions and why are they so important to understand, especially as we’re on this journey to becoming a boundary boss? I can still have boundaries and be in service to people, these 2 principles can go hand in hand, you just have to be smart about managing expectations.

And when we have this tendency to get on everyone else’s side of the street, fix for this one, do for this one, depleting ourselves in the process, not only are we a boundary disaster but what we’re really doing is such a disservice to our relationships. I love Terry Cole’s wisdom on youtube, and found her very clear and helpful, but wasn’t sure whether to get the book as sometimes when celebrities release books it’s just a money maker for them or a repeat of what they say online.

But imagine what your life would look like if someone had schooled you at an early age on the importance of boundaries and how to establish them? Regardless of if this is true, the author is clearly still bitter about these situations and has not healed enough from them to deliver the story in a compassionate way, owning up to her own responsibility in the situation. I learned a great deal about boundaries (and I was already quite familiar with this topic before reading this book).

This meant: I could for example go out of my way to help a distressed family member, if I consciously chose to do so instead of acting in response to a faulty blueprint (read: feeling burdened to help someone while abandoning my own priorities and consequently blaming and resenting the family member for not appreciating my effort to help them). Terri is a very skilled, knowledgeable professional with a fun personality and very soothing voice as well. Terri Cole: But when we really unravel this, there is something else driving a lot of times that over-giving, and not just the obvious “I want to be liked,” or “I want to be the hero. So where did we get it in our minds that if we are to share our preferences that we’re burdening another person or that there’s something wrong with us? If you want to know where you're overdoing these things, think about the people you work with and then gauge your resentment level.But setting boundaries is not easy, especially if you consider yourself to be someone who is highly empathetic and sensitive. This new, revolutionary way of functioning in the world can become the norm for you, but I gotta say, this work ain’t for the faint of heart. Terri Cole’s exquisitely interesting, articulate, and profoundly practical Boundary Boss will rock your world. Or, I like this one, “For someone who negates your feelings: I’m telling you how I feel, not asking for your opinion.

We also have a fantastic video library filled with easy-to-follow videos on a number of topics inspired by other SOLIDWORKS users – take a look. Terri Cole is that someone--and in Boundary Boss , she masterfully reveals how to find your most authentic voice, step into your power, and own your impact. Cole offers an actionable tool kit of scripts, strategies, and practices that can be used in the moment, whenever you need them. That simple but profound opening quote came straight from Terri’s Boundary Boss Bill of Rights, a list of ten paradigm-shifting statements every human should read.

Cole: High functioning codependency is being overly invested in the feeling states, the decisions, the outcomes of the people in your sphere. And if that’s how I really feel, it, for me, it makes saying no or declining an invitation, aligned with how I feel, which is that I want to lovingly say no to that person that I care about.



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