Mike even started showing me ways to workout using resistance bands and a kettlebell. Kind of cool, huh? During these training sessions, we got to know one another better and in ways that I can’t explain, increased our level of trust. Cloudy haze The whole thing went down near the end of my freshman year at a party, at which people from the whole dorm floor were drunk and celebrating, carelessly streaming in and out of each other’s rooms, following the various different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I can remember, although I'd had some drinks, sitting alone in my friend’s room on a single bed, the mattress overly springy and with a coarse plastic coating, attempting to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Internet connection. my advice is just to pretend like it didn't happen. obviously he is doing that, so just follow his lead and erase it from your memory banks. bringing it up is only going to cause drama. Now, as far as “repressing” your feelings, it seems to me like you might feel some sense of guilt or shame about your attraction. I encourage you to try to release that by reminding yourself sexual attraction is a natural process and you aren’t actually acting on anything here.

It was listening to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeing the band’s out gay singer Olly Alexander talk about how the song was inspired his sexual trysts with straight men, that I realized that these feelings are way more common than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys having sex with straight guys, but it felt reassuring to see him describe the “saint and sinner role” he embodied during those experiences, and to hear the uncertainty and melancholy weaved into the song. I feel like I want to text him to tell him how I'm feeling but I wonder whether it is just best left alone and hope that it's not awkward the next time I see him, whenever that may be. We ended up talking on the phone again about a week later when I asked if some friends could come over and watch football. During this conversation Jeff brought up the sexual encounter again and stressed how important it was that his girlfriend not find out about it. I told him that I had no intention of telling his girlfriend. At first there was an awkward silence. But then, after taking a super deep toke, Mike replied, “Cool man but I’m covering my eyes.” We both ended up getting totally wasted, to the point where I can't remember big parts of the night. All I know is that some stuff happened that really shouldn't have happened.We’ve talked on the phone and exchanged text messages a few times over the past few days, but still haven’t met face-to-face since this all happened. I do have plans to go hang out with him in a couple of days. Could he really remain awake and aroused and physically active during all of this, yet forget it all by the time he woke up the next morning? I don’t pretend to remember everything (I was pretty drunk myself), but I sure remember enough to know it happened. I think cheating is wrong. I also believe that people make mistakes and can learn from those mistakes. It seems probable that your girlfriend will not find out about this incident unless you specifically tell her. Assuming that you've learned your lesson and are genuinely contrite, I stand by my earlier statement that I don't how telling your girlfriend can make the situation any better. This guy is one of my best friends (if not my best friend). He was one of the first people I came out to. He has always been very supportive of my lifestyle, and is always there for me to talk to. Don't even let yourself entertain the notion of a relationship. For that to even be possible he has to do two things. First, he has to come out to you as either gay or bisexual. Second, he has to leave his girlfriend. For there to be any hope - any hope whatsoever - he has to do both of those things first. The likelihood of him doing even one of those things is next to zero, and if one does happen it is likely that his girlfriend dumps him because he slept with you.

The phone call lasted maybe an hour, but it seemed liken an eternity. We probably went over the details of that night at least 3 times. He would ask me to repeat certain parts (maybe to see if my story would change or not). He continued to maintain that he didn’t remember anything. I explained that I hadn’t brought it up because I knew it would be uncomfortable for him. I apologized for telling Doug about the situation, but I did try to explain my need to confide in someone about what happened. I told him how important our friendship was, and that I wanted to preserve it at all costs. He said that he needed some time to deal with the situation.I was 19 when I first had full-on sex with another man. I was at college, living in dorms, and the experience—aside from the usual horrifying awkwardness and somewhat spontaneity of the occasion—was completely and utterly unremarkable aside from one thing: the guy I slept with identified as straight. When we were done, I do remember him giving me a fist-bump and saying, “Hey dude, it doesn’t count if you can’t see what’s happening.” Most of the men identified as straight because they felt that this identity best reflected their romantic relationships with women, their integration in communities composed mostly of straight people, or the way they understood their masculinity. Identifying as straight also meant they could avoid stigma and feel connected to a socially dominant group. Many felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their identities given other aspects of their lives. They felt that heterosexuality and masculinity were “normal” and expected of them. Could a straight guy get drunk enough to fool around with another guy just because it “felt good”, or is it more likely that he has some gay/bi/curious feelings that perhaps he’s been repressing?

Here's another piece of advice that works for me when I'm anxious about something and it's consuming my thoughts and preventing me from sleeping at night: Recently, there has been a turnaround of sorts. You see, I had resigned myself into being the one doing who was doing the servicing. It’s not that I mind. I’ve always found Mike attractive. All in all it was uncomfortable, but I think I handled it well. I know it will take time, but I'm hoping this friendship can be mended. Part of me worries that he will try to put more distance between the two of us, but only time will tell. As I said in my last post, most of this is out of my hands at this point. I had a similar experience with a 'straight' friend many years ago. We had a few drinks, I slept over his place, and then during the night while we were passed out together he started touching my face and laughing. At first I thought he was just being a goof, but then I moved a little closer. Before I knew it we were making out and it went from there. Eventually, things came to a head. After about 9 months of feeling like I was doing all the work to keep the friendship together, he cancelled on me one night at the last minute. I'd had enough. I called him and gave him a piece of my mind (the sexual encounter was never brought up). We haven't talked since that phone call.I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Why? Well, you were insanely drunk and so was he. Hopefully, you wouldn't have done anything with him were you sober, but since your inhibitions were lowered... Plus, he has an equal amount of responsibility in what happened. He might have been drunk as well, but it isn't like you told him to pull down his pants, and it wasn't like he was saying no - after all, he wanted to go even further than you let him.