But I’ll be damned if it isn’t some of the most fun I’ve had watching a bad movie. This thing would slay with the right crowd. If Vernon’s performance seems odd – and it is – his character’s journey is even weirder. Donald kills his wife in a drunken stupor; a crime of passion. May had been nagging him for presumably decades, as he recalls the last time they had sex was “April, 1962”. In his blind rage he inexplicably carved her up as well before placing the pieces of her corpse in the microwave, possibly to spite her since he hated that machine. Then he cooks her. And inadvertently eats her. He now has a taste for human flesh. Where this goes off the rails is when he decides to kill other women, this despite having a fridge absolutely filled with May’s succulent, slow-broiled body. An argument could be made this motivation was purely sexual, since Donald has no problem getting down with women so far out of his league they may as well exist in another galaxy, as long as he imagines them as food. Then again, logic doesn’t have much of a place in a film called Microwave Massacre, so… After a night of drinking Donald goes home to find May has cooked some strange new concoction. In a drunken rage strangles May, killing her. When he wakes the next day he discovers what he has done and now must cover up the evidence. Cutting up her body he cooks it in May's huge microwave and then wraps the pieces in tin foil. He stuffs the body parts into the freezer in the garage, not noticing that one piece has fallen into a garbage can he used to throw away the food May froze in the freezer. When he gets hungry later that night he takes that particular piece inside to eat and is surprised at how good it tastes. As he unwraps it while eating he discovers it is May's hand. But since it tastes better than what he's been served lately he continues eating. I love horrible movies. I always wonder, "What's my limit? How bad can it get to make me hate a movie?" The new barometer for bad has been found and it is Microwave Massacre.

Dee Dee Dee: “My mother wanted to name me Delia, but she stuttered. Hey, have you ever screwed in 3-Dee?” Yes, you read that right, the writing for the credits actually is funnier than the entire movie that has been endured up to this point. They aren’t belly-laugh funny, but there is a cleverness and a wit there that is absent from the entire movie. Referring to each victim as a cookbook themed dish and building on that is rather clever. A small payoff for such an atrocious seventy plus minutes, but at least it is something. It is enough to lay waste to its claim of being the worst horror movie ever, as there is this slim redeeming quality. That’s basically all the rational thought that went into the film’s screenplay. A burlesque comic drifting in an undeveloped skit, Donald comes off as a nice guy at heart, an odd fit for a serial murderer. He moves on to the casual murders of a number of young women for reasons that don’t add up. Microwave Massacre’s chance for coherence therefore hinges on whether it can attain a suitable level of comic absurdity. Although that’s far too much to ask, a consistent dirty-joke burlesque atmosphere is maintained. The whole movie is pitched as an off-color joke of the kind once delivered by the awful emcees that performed introductions in strip clubs. As utterly stupid as things get, the somewhat amusing deadpan comedian Vernon does hold our interest. Everybody else in the film acts as if they're in a sketch on the Carol Burnett Show, mugging and over-reacting. Some of the jokes and one-liners are pretty funny, just don't expect any real acting. Oh, yeah...and it's not at all scary or even gross. After coming home drunk one night and getting into an argument with May, Donald loses his temper and bludgeons her to death with a large salt shaker. He wakes up the next day with a bad hangover, no memory of the night before, and a growling stomach. He discovers May's corpse in the microwave and after the initial wave of horror passes, he starts to take it in stride, telling his co-workers that he and May separated. After work, he then cuts up May's body and stores it in foil wrap in the refrigerator. A running gag involving May's head retaining some sort of sentience is introduced during this scene.

Rate And Review

If one can get past all the technical gaffes such as boom mikes in frame (complete with the entirety of the boom) or crewmembers in the shot, one begins to get the idea that the people making this movie really didn’t care. Things are obviously shot in a single take, ignoring major mistakes such as those or nearby police sirens drowning out dialogue. Through it all, the film’s cast merely soldiers on in what plays out as the Bataan Death March of comedy. This is a… special film; a mentally handicapped approximation of a slasher. It’s the kind of movie you would see during weekend runs to the local mom & pop video store and think, “Damn, that big box art looks sweet and with a title like that it has to be gold!” And, really, if you watched this at any age under 17 it probably was. I will say there are bad movies that are just horrid through and through; Microwave Massacre at the very least has the luxury of being awfully entertaining in an oddly endearing sort of way. Given a limited theatrical release in July of 1987, Blood Diner has managed to garner a minor cult following on VHS over the years. Thankfully, this one hasn’t been relegated to utter obscurity and can be seen with relative ease – Lionsgate gave the film a lovingly restored Blu-ray release in 2016. Every self-discerning fan of trashy cinema should have it on their shelf. Budget is microscopic, with passable technical credits. In explaining Donald's final comeuppance (yes, even in amoral farragoes such as this there lurks some form of retribution), picture briefly intimates a supernatural element, but this is not enough to attract the interest of traditional horror film fans.

The only movie on this list to rival The Meateater in terms of sheer ineptitude, Howling VII doesn’t feel like a film that was written, storyboarded, and rehearsed but rather like an extended goof, like we’re watching a bunch of grown people playing “Let’s Make A Movie” over the course of one long weekend. New Moon Rising is an astonishingly bad motion picture. In the film, a drunk middle-aged man kills his wife during an argument. After eating part of his wife's hand, he acquires a taste for human flesh. He seeks further victims to cannibalize. The killer ignores problems with his pacemaker until they prove fatal. Picture in your mind how the actor who did the voice of Frosty the Snowman might have looked. Now imagine that guy having dry-hump sex with random hookers ('Frosty' grunts and groans included), killing and dismembering them, and then cooking them up in the world's most ridiculously huge microwave oven. Or, you can skip that mental exercise and rent this film. Welcome to Beat the Algorithm , a recurring column dedicated to providing you with relevant and diverse streaming recommendations based on your favorite movies. This time, we’re recommending movies like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. With the humour and delivery of a 70s sketch show, it's a movie badly in need of canned laughter, if only to inform us of when we're supposed to laugh. Genuine humour comes in the briefest of snatches: Donald's encounter with Dr Van der Fool (Ed Thomas), who doesn't know which side the heart is on; or the scene where May's sister stops by and Donald has to prop May's disembodied head in the bed to pretend she's still alive ("She looks awful pale...").

Our hero, such as he is, comes home and loses his temper about all the bad meals and ends up killing his wife. He doesn't remember any of it the next morning as he has a big hangover. He starts cutting up his wife's body and rolling it in foil. Once he accidentally eats some, he learns how delicious she is. And oh yeah, her head is still alive. MICROWAVE MASSACRE is a film that I truly, truly hated the first time I watched it. The question would be why I bothered giving it a second chance but there's no question that it played out much better this time because it's smart to go into it not expecting too much and certainly not expecting some sort of graphic horror movie. The second and third Howling pictures are supremely strange and emphasize, even exaggerate the darkly comedic aspects of Dante’s work, something John Hough hoped to reverse when he stepped in to direct the fourth installment, The Original Nightmare. It is here, in 1988 during the pre-production of Howling IV, that the mysterious Clive Turner entered the picture.