Parental divorce/separation represents a highly stressful experience for children that can have both immediate and long-term negative consequences. Support for children and young people in the UK, including a free helpline and 1-2-1 online chats with counsellors. Citizens Advice Another positive parenting approach that is particularly applicable to adolescents is the Teen Triple P Program (Ralph & Sanders, 2004). Triple P (which will be described in a subsequent post) is tailored toward teens and involves teaching parents a variety of skills aimed at increasing their own knowledge and confidence. van de Korput, J. (2012). The Brighter Futures Programme in Birmingham – An inspiring initiative with good results and failures. Retrieved from https://bernardvanleer.org/blog/brighter-futures-programme-birmingham-inspiring-initiative-good-results-failures/

Juffer F., Bakermans-Kranenburg M. & Van IJzendoorn M. (2008). Promoting positive parenting: An attachment-based intervention. New York: U.S.A.: Lawrence Erlbaum/Taylor & Francis. You may worry about how your mental health could affect your child. For example, whether they may experience stress or mental health problems themselves. Your child may also be impacted if they take on extra responsibilities around the home to help you. For example, they might have to change when they do their schoolwork. Or the amount of time they have to see their friends. Supportive parenting was associated with more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems when the children were in sixth grade. Moreover, supportive parenting actually mitigated the negative impact of familial risk factors (i.e., socioeconomic disadvantage, family stress, and single parenthood) on children’s subsequent behavioral problems (Pettit et al., 2006).

However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as: Make a Big Deal Principle: Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.

Along with an authoritative parenting style, a developmental parenting style is also believed to support positive child outcomes (Roggman et al., 2008). Importantly, there are ways to support children in emerging from divorce without long-term negative consequences (i.e., by protecting them from parental animosity). It is in this way that parents can “enable their children to maintain love and respect for two parents who no longer love, and may not respect, each other” (Warshak, 2004-2013, warshak.com). Stated another way, “ respecting children teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person deserves respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com). Generally speaking, there are many aspects of positive parenting that nurture children’s self-esteem; creativity; belief in the future; ability to get along with others; and sense of mastery over their environment.There are always underlying reasons for these behaviors. Just keep your cool, plan-ahead, think about your long-term goals, and remember that your adorable little monster will only be this age for a brief time. Wolchik, S., Sandler, I., Weiss, L., & Winslow, E. (2007). New Beginnings: An empirically-based program to help divorced mothers promote resilience in their children. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232468945_ New_Beginnings_An_empirically-based_program_to_help_divorced_mothers_ promote_resilience_in_their_children If you’re finding it hard to cope and need support, let people know as early as you can. Try not to wait until you feel like you’re in crisis.

Forgatch, M., & DeGarmo, D. (1999). Parenting through change: An effective prevention program for single mothers. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(5), 711-724.

Franklin D. Roosevelt. Goodreads (2019). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/girl-child