Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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Would you rather be the most famous and successful person of all time, but only after you’ve died, or get 2-for-1 meals at Harvester for the rest of your life? Who do you consider the most appalling member of Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet (excluding Margaret Thatcher)? If you could make one part of your body or one of your senses fifty times more sensitive than it currently is, which body part or sense would get a fifty times increase in sensitivity? The visit also came up in the episode of The Zeitgeist Tapes that I appeared on talking about the Clangers Election Special, which you can find here.

Would you rather be imprisoned for a murder that you didn’t commit or for a murder that you did commit? so far, and if you want to know what Emergency Question he was asked and what answer he gave, you’ll have to listen to his episode.If you could go into the transportation chamber from The Fly with a living creature of your choice, which creature would you like to be melded with? Would you rather have a hand made out of ham, an armpit that dispensed sun cream, or a tit that dispensed talcum powder?

Would you rather live in a society run by children ages six and under, or have to be tied to the wheel of a water mill and be spun around for the next 13 hours? If an older version of you came back from the future and gave you advice about what you should do with your life, would you take the advice or assume that the you from the future was evil and trying to screw you over? I do not really want to add anything to this other than to mention the bloke who replied to this – whose profile picture, inevitably, showed him and his beard on stage leaning at a thirty two degree angle while being ‘whimsical’ – saying “Oh ha ho! You would have to choose a famous person you most resemble and then only be employable as their look-alike. Would you rather live in the waxy ear of a grumpy giant, eating only what flies in there by accident and not being able to make a noise for fear of a huge cotton bud, or live in Middlesbrough?

The chromatic harmonica, because it’s bastard difficult and I’d love to be able to play Rhapsody In Blue. Smith is one of Leon Garfield’s many gripping yet unremittingly bleak children’s novels set amongst a soot-caked world of child labour and brutal crime; these novels provoke – it’s fair to say – mixed feelings amongst those who read them or watched television adaptations of them, and you can hear Joanne Sheppard discussing those exact mixed feelings in Looks Unfamiliar here.

Incidentally, when was the last time you saw someone reading a Kindle, as opposed to a physical book, on public transport?If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take? Are you a fan of Norman Wisdom, by which I mean the knowledge and understanding of the 10th- and 11th-century people from Normandy? Robin Askwith: Ask him if he enjoyed The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui at the Darlington Hippodrome in 1982. At the time of writing – and this is just a handful of examples that I’ve noticed by chance and for different reasons – you can’t stream Absolute Beginners, the Marvel short A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor’s Hammer or Mike Westbrook’s Love Songs anywhere, but you can walk into HMV and walk out with all of them on physical media.