The strangest ones are the ones who ask for the most unexpected things. What's weird to me is not necessarily weird to the vanilla bystander, but my strangest session by far ended up with me writing two comparative essays for the sub. I get a mental turn-on from it. The mental high of dominating someone and making them submit to me is unlike anything else, and I get so much gratification out of feeling them melt like putty in my hands when I push them past what they thought they were capable of. My specialty is in tease and desperation play. There are many ways to put someone in “sub space”—a state of mind in which your inhibitions and ego go completely out the window and you are overcome by an utterly submissive feeling. One way to reach this state is via sexual desperation. By building up arousal over time without sexual gratification, eventually you reach a point where your sexual desires become too overwhelming to handle—it is a place where you are willing to do anything for gratification, and at that moment, my power over you is absolute.

Nothing is typical in this industry. I have the extremely wealthy to the average Joe, and I enjoy them both. When a client is in my dungeon, it really doesn’t matter to me what they do or who they are in the real world. All of that is left at the door and they get to become something they yearn for and crave, whether it’s to be a masochist, submissive, slave, prisoner, patient, etc. But the common thread is the need to be able to escape the normal day to day. Some people go to spas, amusement parks or the movies, others go to dungeons.

It is, unfortunately, more unusual to see women than men. This is changing, and women are becoming more empowered to call upon sex workers to explore their fantasies. I had an interesting experience wherein a straight woman booked a session with me because she wanted to be dominated but felt safer with a woman than a male dominant, either hired or found online. I think that’s smart and savvy, and we had an amazing scene. Seeing a dominatrix isn’t necessarily about sex or sexual identity, it’s about submission, or masochism, or catharsis, and I love being able to take women to those places as well as men. The dungeon is not a place to be angry. Some women tell me that they’d love to punish men for a living. But if you have a client who’s 83 with Parkinson’s you don’t just beat the shit out of him! I am blessed with strong, sensual legs that have the power to wrap you up and hold you into total submission until I am ready to release you. I also possess a naughty smile and mystic eyes that can keep your deepest secrets and desires to myself.

I would have to say that I don’t have much patience for newbies who do not understand the protocol of how to communicate respectfully and professionally with a dominatrix. I’ve always identified as a dominant woman, long before I was sexually aware, it was just who I was. I believe this was partially due to being raised in a very matriarchal family. When I played house with my classmates I would always make the boy play as the dog instead of the father. Her line of work may be racy — but nothing sexual takes place between her and her clients, Barbosa said.Intuition, imagination and understanding the psychology of the dynamic. Use of the tools, equipment and bondage is the easy stuff and I’m great at all of that. I love nice equipment so my dungeon is fully equipped with the best of everything for most BDSM play. I hate to lose at Trivial Pursuit, so I’ll pass on the quiz-based spanking, thanks. Re: the ‘dungeon’, that sounds just a tad intimidating. I’m almost afraid to ask, but what could I expect to happen in there? Also, aren’t your clients annoyed at you revealing their secrets? I’m a Time Out writer and a very naughty boy. Is that how these things usually start? Because I’ve never written to a dominatrix before. I do, however, want to find out more. Perhaps you could fill me in (not a euphemism). For starters, what’s with the letters? One of my most loyal and thoughtful submissives just bought me a new car. He offered me any car I wanted and I chose one that fits my personal life instead of one that you would imagine a famous dominatrix driving. It’s a minivan. It breaks all stereotypes and is perfect.