He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself

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WILLY ( after a pause): I suddenly couldn't drive any more. The car kept going off onto the shoulder, y'know?

On the surface, capable teenage boys may look lazy. But dig a little deeper, writes child psychologist Adam Price in He's Not Lazy, and you'll often find conflicted boys who want to do well in middle and high school but are afraid to fail, and so do not try. This book can help you become an ally with your son, as he discovers greater self-confidence and accepts responsibility for his future.It's written for middle/upper class parents who have somehow managed to find themselves with nearly no idea how adolescent development works. They are either raising their first teenager or their earlier ones were angels. They also never spent much time with teenagers. WILLY: When the hell did I lose my temper? I simply asked him if he was making any money. Is that a criticism? Honestly, I never thought that having the amazing opportunity of witnessing the transition of my son becoming an adult was going to drive me crazy, to make me doubt myself in one year more than I have during my whole life, to make me want to give up, run away and hide for the next 10 years. Because, parenting teenagers, is really challenging and frustrating sometimes :( . And I know everybody can say that but no one will truly realize it until one day their sweet babies are transforming into saucy teenagers!! I have SUCH mixed feelings about this book. There are some really wonderful and wonderfully presented strategies that I will use with students and likely the 16yo in my house. I would consider buying this book.

That being said, just take a look at the two articles I linked above. If you think they describe your son at all, talk to him! Tell him some of the points you found or have him read the articles and see how he feels. Does it resonate with him? If not, then I may be completely off base, and there are no worries! BERNARD (wiping his glasses): Just because he printed University of Virginia on his sneakers doesn’t mean they’ve got to graduate him . Uncle Willy! LINDA: Well, you owe him three and a half. And odds and ends, comes to around a hundred and twenty dollars by the fifteenth.They opt out because it becomes a no win situation for them - much easier for girls. They can’t talk about it because of fear of looking weak. The answer is NOT to change them but to adjust their education to fit who they really are whether it would be homeschooling, dual enrollment, change schools from the ridiculous system that is failing our kids , mostly boys. Industriousness is a personality trait people have in higher and lesser amounts. People high in it are extremely focused, easily get caught up in tasks, and have difficulty relaxing. People low in industriousness suffer less from stress but have a hard time focusing on single tasks for longer periods of time. Light has risen on the boys’ room. Unseen, Willy is heard talking to himself, »eighty thousand miles,« and a little laugh. Biff gets out of bed, comes downstage a bit, and stands attentively. Biff is two years older than his brother Happy, well built, but in these days bears a worn air and seems less self-assured. He has succeeded less, and his dreams are stronger and less acceptable than Happy’s . Happy is tall, powerfully made. Sexuality is like a visible color on him, or a scent that many women have discovered. He, like his brother, is lost, but in a different way, for he has never allowed himself to turn his face toward defeat and is thus more confused and hard-skinned, although seemingly more content.) HAPPY: I gotta show some of those pompous, self-important executives over there that Hap Loman can make the grade. I want to walk into the store the way he walks in. Then I’ll go with you, Biff. We’ll be together yet, I swear. But take those two we had tonight. Now weren’t they gorgeous creatures? If you are in a position to send him to a IB school and he is not willing to get good grades then it is clear he is in dire need of being reminded of just how priviledged his upbringing really is.

WILLY: No, no, some people— some people accomplish something. Did Biff say anything after I went this morning? WILLY: Me? I didn’t. ( He stops.) Now isn’t that peculiar! Isn’t that a remarkable... ( He breaks off in amazement and fright as t he flute is heard distantly.)WILLY: They should’ve arrested the builder for cutting those down. They massacred the neighborhood. [Lost.] More and more I think of those days, Linda. This time of year it was lilac and wisteria. And then the peonies would come out, and the daffodils. What fragrance in this room! WILLY (angrily) : What’re you talking about? With scholarships to three universities they’re gonna flunk him? Want to improve this answer? Add details and include citations to explain why this answer is correct. Answers without enough detail may be edited or deleted. BIFF: I’m takin’ one play for Pop. You watch me, Pop, and when I take off my helmet, that means I’m breakin’ out. Then you LINDA ( helpfully): Oh. Maybe it was the steering again , I don't think Angelo knows the Studebaker.

This book will take a few days at least, as there is a lot to it. The first part covers the why your son behaves the way he does, using relatable scenarios from his life and practice, along with a more heavy chapter about the science of the teen boy's brain and underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex. He covers so much that I have heard over the years: executive functioning, growth mindset, gender differences, scaffolding, etc. He explains it in simpler terms, as these are important if you truly want to understand your son. If you son has decided they are more passionate about some other thing X and not necessarily grinding out an IB program there might be some wisdom in trying to creative a maximally conducive environment for success and growth in X (whether thats math or skateboarding or music depends from person to person). And pulling out of the IB program might help you create THAT better environment. LINDA: He was crestfallen, Willy. You know how he admires you . I think if he finds himself, then you’ll both be happier and not fight any more.Their light is out. Well before they have finished speaking, Willy’s form is dimly seen below in the darkened kitchen. He opens the refrigerator, searches in there, and takes out a bottle of milk. The apartment houses are fading out, and the entire house and surroundings become covered with leaves. Music insinuates itself as the leaves appear.) I will say that for people low in industriousness it is very important that they find something that interests them, that they're motivated on their own to pursue that interest, and that they receive support from friends and family in pursuing those interests. Someone very high in industriousness can work with the most meaningless tasks imaginable and still be content. Someone low in industriousness cannot. The best bet is to communicate with him. View him not as a "typical lazy teen". Instead, figure out what is going on in his life. Don't be judgmental, don't use the term "lazy". Work with him to determine what motivates him to perform at his peak. What inspires him, what makes him want to try? Use these conversations to broach the topic of IB. Make it his choice more than yours. If he's committed to it, he'd be more likely to tough it out. If he feels forced into doing a lot of hard work, he'll probably rebel.