To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

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I am a huge fan of Jane Green books, with bookends being my favourite. When I was in the library I saw Spellbound which is a book of Jane Green which I have yet to read and obviously I couldn't walk over it.

I think there's quite a bit you can get out of this book especially if you are a middle-class, white, straight, married mother of young kids. I fall into that category and the book resonated with me, but I'm not sure how much it would for readers in other demographics. I liked the personal accounts of women in therapy with the author - it was relatable and it got her point across well, that mothers are struggling with things silently even if on the outside things appear great. She made some good points about social media - how even the "relatable," "honest" mommy bloggers and influencers portray a picture of a kind of studied messiness. I follow a lot of accounts in that category and I have noticed how even when they're posting about looking and feeling tired or worn out, their hair and makeup is on point and carefully disheveled; how a lot of the posts have to do with the mundane things that everyone knows are trying about motherhood - cleaning up spills, dealing with a crying baby - but not the big emotions like fear, anger, resentment, intrusive thoughts, doubt, etc. that might go along with the experience of motherhood. I've decided to write up 3-5 takeaways from nonfiction books in an effort to retain more of what I read; here are some from this book:This book reminded me of one of those entertaining lower-budget films about love. The films that have sort-of famous actors; the movies that are so cheesy and clichéd but you enjoy them all the same because they just work. They're a little far-fetched and predictable but they're just a pleasure to watch. I enjoyed the book the exact same way I would enjoy one of these movies. This doesn't actually work for a lot of books but it did with this one and that's why I decided to give this book 4 stars.

From USA Today Bestselling Author Leigh Greenwood comes a historical Western romance filled with gritty cowboy heroes, strong-willed heroines, and a whole lot of heart in the Wild West. Bisa ditebak kan, Joe ketemu Alice 15 tahun kemudian pada saat Alice berumur 29 tahun dan mereka akhirnya menikah.Alice è sposata da cinque anni con Joe, un uomo affascinante e seducente, con un lavoro di alto livello. Ma Alice per compiacere il marito ha nascosto il suo vero io, le sue aspirazioni ed è diventata una specie di bambolina da esibire alle feste e ai vari party. Ma questo non è tutto....perché il caro maritino è un traditore seriale, il tipo da una scappatella dietro l'altra e quindi da riunioni fino a tarda sera, cene di lavoro, viaggi di lavoro. Ed ovviamente la povera moglie, di cui, però, è molto innamorato, non sa nulla. Mentre leggevo volevo urlare "Alice svegliatiiiii!!!": è vero che la moglie è l'ultima a sapere le cose ma qualche dubbio ogni tanto no???!?!?!. Ini merupakan buku pertama Jane Green yg kubaca.Buku ini dibeli saat mengikuti diklat di Yogyakarta, Des 2011 dengan harga obral,tujuannya untuk hiburan dimalam hari berhubung kamar di Wisma Balai Diklat Yogyakarta tidak disediakan TV. TV hanya ada diruang makan dan lobby.(Disuruh belajar boo..hehe). Tapi ternyata sampai diklat selama seminggu berakhir,buku ini ngga sempat dibaca karena kami lebih banyak menghabiskan waktu untuk berburu batik dan kuliner di sekitar Jogja sehabis mengikuti kelas..:) Jadilah buku ini baru dibaca akhir Maret, menemani cuti seminggu selama di Jakarta,tapi baru tuntas setelah di Pontianak lagi..ini sdh blm ya reviunya.. Watching Alice just be in denial about her husband nightly activities with other women was frustratingly painful. I felt bad for her, but I was also furious with her. Even if she didn’t know her husband was cheating, she wasn’t happy at all. I would’ve left a long time ago. But the signs were there and she ignored them. I wanted her to find out sooner than she did. I wanted pain, suffering and retribution from Joe. I wanted the second half of the book to be more about her and Harry. I feel like Harry’s apparent feelings for her were a bit out of the blue, but you can kind of see how that happens. these words came to us over and over: “The Spaniard!”“The Inquisition!”“The galleys!” They were the words oftenest heard at that time, when

I am not the target audience for this book, but I am so thrilled that this book exists. I've had so many fears about motherhood validated, and more importantly, I've learned how to reframe my understanding of friends who are mothers and how to best respond to their needs and feelings about this transformation of their lives. As a clinical psychologist, Molly knew her experience was a normal response to a life-changing event. But without the advantage of such a perspective, many of the patients she treated in her private practice grappled with self-doubt, guilt, and fear, and suffered the dual pain of not only the struggle to adjust but also the overwhelming shame for struggling at all. Try to reframe "problems" and get rid of your expectations. A clingy baby is not a problem, just someone who wants comfort. Try to feel and accept the pain when things don't go as you might wish them to, rather than suffer by resisting, fearing, or denying what's actually happening. Similarly, if you feel guilt, question why and try to determine if it's valid. (Apparently women experience guilt as parents much more than men.) Joe is such a womanizing cad, it almost makes Alice laughable. She seems to go through about three different personalities in this book. A few of the choices that Alice makes cause her to be snivelling and pathetic, while other choices are so extraordinarily bold, and totally out of character that they are not really believable, especially considering the wonderful friendship that she shares with Emily.

CHAPTER XI IN WHICH I MEET AN ITALIAN DOCTOR

Sometimes life is handed to you. Sometimes it’s taken away without warning. For Kate Starr, her life is now about moving forward, not knowing if her husband has been killed in his tour of duty in Vietnam. Suddenly Kate must raise their two daughters by herself and struggle with the U.S. government to get news of her husband. Slowly but surely, her fight to be heard transforms Kate into a successful businesswoman ready to find love again and live life to the fullest—by learning to let go of the very things that mean the most to her . . . On the importance of paternity leave: "It might cost the family more money if Dad takes parental leave, but that might be income extremely well 'spent' if it is viewed as a kind of insurance policy against developing gendered power imbalances in the relationship, and the marital dissatisfaction that comes with them." (99) Inspite of going through the hurt and pain after being betrayed,Alice gives the same hurt and pain to her best friend Emily,i was like "HOW CAN SHE",she knew how deeply Emily's feelings were for Harry but still