I'm Ok, You're Ok: A Practical Approach to Human Psychology

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Instead, the confession of an Adult makes a critical assessment of where change is possible and looks for ways to make that change happen. A clear social example of this phenomenon is the hippie movement. The flower children extolled a life of Child-Child transactions. Yet the dreadful truth began to become apparent: It’s no fun to do your thing if everybody else is only interested in doing his thing. In cutting off the Establishment they cut off the Parent (disapproval) and the Adult (‘banal’ reality); but, having cut off this disapproval, they found they had also cut off the source of praise. Children With Child-Dominated Parents

Injunctions or stoppers according to Berne (1972 p.139) are “the most important part of the script apparatus, and varies in intensity”, and defines it as “A prohibition or negative command from a parent”. Once I observed an eleven-year-old, nonverbal, autistic boy evidence the seeming perception of the I’ M NOT OK-YOU’RE not ok position by an intense, repeated hitting with his fist, first his counsellor, and then his own head. It was as if he were acting out his view of life: You’re not ok and I’m not ok. Let’s smash both of us.

Permissions and Injunctions

In transactional analysis, as defined by Dr. Eric Berne – there are three observable ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. With these ego states, one can simplify and understand interpersonal communication. According to Dr. Harris, most of us live out the Not OK feelings of a child, dependent upon OK Others (parents). This leads us to the position of I’m Not OK – You’re OK. But with an analysis of our personalities, Dr. Harris provides a framework with which to change our lives. The Parent is the collection of all that the child has recorded during his early years of life. All rules, admonitions, and limitations belong to the parent.

The adult grows as the child seeks answers for himself. He realizes there is different data from what is taught by the parent and what is felt by the child. Confession without change is a game. This is true whether in a sanctuary, a pastor’s study, or a psychiatrist’s office.” Who would enjoy this book?Harris' assertion that no child grows up with the life position I'm OK - You're OK without therapy has been criticised because it turns TA into a quasi-religious Soteriology which wants to rescue people from the misery of their messed-up relationship with themselves. [2] However the assertion runs counter to other TA authorities. [ How to reference and link to summary or text] And the more we separate the three, the more we develop and strengthen our adult and we free ourselves up. He says that slapping people with a “diagnosis” does no good, and I also agree with it. Religions Are Parent-Child Transactions

The second half of the book begins by briefly describing the six ways that TA practitioners recognize individuals use to structure time, to make life seem meaningful. Harris continues by offering practical case studies showing applications of TA to marriage and the raising of both children and adolescents. This section of I'm OK, You're OK concludes as Harris describes when TA can be relevant to an individual's life, and how and by whom it might be delivered. He promotes the idea that TA is not just a method for specialists, but can be shared and used by many people. According to Transactional Analysis theory, I'm not ok, you are ok is one of the four life positions that a person can have in relation to oneself and others. In this position a person feels he is not good but the others are good and better than him. He compares himself with others and finds himself inferior to them. He feels the constant need to be recognized and loved by others. He/she does things to gain others' approval and is eager and compliant to the demands of others. This can happen if as a child the person has been subjected to constant reprimands, rejection, unnecessary punishment and blaming by parents. He may not have felt loved and did things to get the love and approval from his parents. It’s time for companies to put their hidden motives and total self-interest behind them, recognising these behaviours ultimately poison relationships. I’m Not-OK…You’re OK” (introjective position – Internalizers)This is a common position of persons who feel powerless, not good enough, or less important when they compare themselves to others.People in this position feel not good enough or less important because they internalize the voice of their Critical Parent. They turn the critical and shaming tapes of childhood in on themselves over and over again…further victimizing their already wounded Vulnerable Child. He says that there is no simple way to define intimacy, yet we can say that intimacy is only possible when coming from an “I’m OK, You’re OK” stance.Harris began learning the theories of Transactional Analysis around 1960 directly from the creator of Transactional Analysis, Dr. Eric Berne MD. Harris observed the runaway success Dr. Berne achieved with Games People Play in 1964. Despite the numerous literary accomplishments of Games, Harris felt that he could simplify Berne’s theories even more and make them more accessible to a wider audience. For example, it says that psychopaths develop from a position of “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” following battering. But that’s not true, psychopaths are born. This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. There is considerable contradictory information on the internet regarding the publication date of I’m OK – You’re OK. Many sources cite 1967 which is incorrect. It was published in 1969. This is based upon these facts:

Harris continues by linking his interpretation of Penfield's experiments to the work of Eric Berne, whose model of psychotherapy is based on the idea that emotionally intense memories from childhood are ever-present in adults. Their influence can be understood by carefully analysing the verbal and non-verbal interchanges ('transactions') between people, hence Berne's name for his model: Transactional Analysis. Harris sees great merit in the ability of TA to define basic units through which human behaviour can be analysed—the 'strokes' that are given and received in a 'transaction' between two or more people—and a standardised language for describing those strokes. This readily understood standardisation, and the association Harris develops between TA and Penfield's neuroscience, gives TA a degree of credibility not possessed by earlier abstract models such as that developed by Freud [ citation needed]. That doesn’t mean that I look at a client who is troubled, and think they are OK. It means that they are ‘OK by me’– that I’m ready to accept them, whoever they are, whatever they have done and whatever they have experienced. Sexual intercourse without personal intimacy can only result in a loss of self-esteem. This is true also in marriage.Eric Berne, author of The Games People Play, described how the decisions about ourselves, our world and our relationships with others are crystallized during our first 5 years of life. These decisions are based on the pattern of strokes we receive from our parents and primary caregivers. These decisions lead to our acceptance of one of four basic existential/psychological life positions, which then determine our patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour. Harris was a good friend of Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis and author of the popular book “ Games People Play“. Harris disagreed with Berne on a few concepts, but was overall a major proponent of Transactional Analysis. PAC: Parent, Adult, Child Or are you dependent on someone else, seeking their approval? I someone getting under your skin, and you are you reacting too aggressively? Make a list of all the negative life events and choose ten most negative life events (memories from your past which still bother you when you think of them vividly). Take each one up and tap on it until it stops bothering you. Letting go of this tendency towards self blame is not an easy process but it can be achieved by daily EFT application on the following: