This is Not a Pity Memoir: The heartbreaking and life-affirming bestseller from the writer of The Split

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The author was concerned about building a life for the future together, with a man who would forever need carers, be physically-challenged and never be able to be intimate again. I do admire her for these efforts of building a life without passion, without even possibly sharing a bed again. Carer, parent and friend, but not lover - not an easy choice for a future. I understand 'for better for worse' but they weren't, in fact, married.

A moving memoir from the award-winning screenwriter and playwright Abi Morgan about what happens when the person you love most no longer recognizes you.What a book! I personally found it to be a very hard read, as Husband and I are also struggling with his ill health, that has totally affected our outlook on life. It is a powerful read, a highly emotional account of the life changing events that have affected all members of the her family. I was reading some of the book aloud to my son last night and he said,'She does go on, doesn't she?' and, about the constant repetition, sometimes the same phrase in three short lines in a row, 'is this all about filling space?' I don't think it was, I think the author, apparently a much-lauded writer though I've never heard of her (nor him, the famous actor) thinks she has a really unique way of writing, that reflects her feelings at the time of the events. In the early chapters, it does (but it isn't easy reading). I also wonder if she did it to bring rhythm to the physical text - paragraphs broken up by half a dozen three-word lines in a row which does look different. (There are several examples in 'reading notes' below). But really who knows? When the partner of Emmy Award–winning screenwriter Abi Morgan abruptly collapsed from a mysterious illness, doctors were concerned that he would not survive. Then, six months later, Jacob woke from his coma, to the delight and relief of his family and friends—except this proved to be anything but a Hollywood ending. Because to Jacob, the woman standing at his bedside, who had cared for him all these months, was not his partner. Not his children’s mother. Not the woman he loved. Sure, she looked like his Abi, but this was an imposter, living someone else’s life. This novel portrays the feelings of disbelief that is primary, why such events happen. There is a grim determination to get answers, to get through this horror that has been inflicted upon a family, the attempts to regain all that has been lost, possibly for ever. There is always the hope that there will be better times ahead, but, we have to get used to a new normal. The book was hyped as being about what it was like for the author to have her partner come out of a 6 month coma and treat her as a stranger. This is Capgras syndrome where someone believes that their partner or friend etc has been replaced by a double. But this is not mentioned in any blurb or review I read, but it is once in the book. It is rare, I did know about it and thought it must be distressing to be declared the 'imposter'. I didn't know in advance, that it was going to be a Capgras issue.

This is, without a doubt, my best book so far of 2022 and it’s going to take some beating (not that it’s a competition). I was immediately intrigued first and foremost by the title because I love a memoir but do also often mull the boundaries inherent in writing such a piece - who is it for, what’s its function for the writer and so on. I’m also aware that Abi Morgan is a writer for stage and screen and so I was interested in how her work might translate to the stage. If I hadn’t hammered it home by now, just to confirm: Big fan of this book. It’s moving, sad, heartwarming, unexpected, funny and clever. Plus more. If you love a pity memoir - this is one of the best I’ve ever read. Took my breath away . . . I sobbed and laughed and then sobbed again. I think it puts life into perspective but also, by being a love story, it defies many of the norms. Morgan's unique voice rings out and she is a great companion throughout' EMMA BARNETT, i-Paper, Books of the Year Similarly, she explores the title This is Not a Pity Memoir, describing a dinner party at which a drunk woman derides what she calls ‘pity memoirs’ when a young Morgan expresses an interest in adapting the late columnist Ruth Picardie’s book into a movie. This is a story of dealing with the darkest of times. Laced both with humour and with darkness. And love that shines through.

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My husband collapsed after his first Covid 19 jab, he spent three weeks in hospital with blood clots to the brain, spine and feet. A year later, we are told, no new progress can be achieved, brutally harsh. It really happened. And what no one tells you about proper unfolding tragedy is that it is scary, and adrenalizing.

When you think you're going to die, it becomes very clear what you need to stay alive, and you don’t need as much as you think The idiosyncratic writing had no flow and was like stream-of-consciousness, but being careful planned and edited, it didn't have the immediacy of that kind of writing. I kept on going despite the writing frustrating and even annoying me, just to get to how she dealt with her partner's thinking she was not herself but a duplicate. But when I eventually got there, through his illness, his hospitalisation, her own health issues, and everything else, there was hardly anything about it. It wasn't the main focus at all. Damp squib. Perhaps one reason why I loved this book so much is because it really delivered on both these counts. Morgan writes so compellingly about the worst period in her life and often employs her expertise as a screenwriter by highlighting the moments that she would cut if she was writing a film, the elements of real life that wouldn’t have made it to the screen because of their messiness or inconvenience as a plot point. On one hand, as a fellow writer, this felt a little bit like being granted a masterclass from Morgan herself but simultaneously there was a very moving element of watching the author desperately try to make sense of her life in the way she knew best. She talks within the memoir of not having been sure how to tell the story - that she considered making a play before COVID hit and made that untenable. The trauma of Morgan’s life has seeped into The Split – particularly the third and final series, which concluded this week. “I think it’s filled with a lot of the pain, a lot of the passion of what I’ve gone through,” she says. It confronts all the fears that are unspoken, but keep carers awake at night. I got better access to NHS services as a caregiver , rather than a wife!! I’m not ashamed to admit I cried over this book, it was a challenging read, but it did help, it did provide some comfort, it hinted at hope and a strong belief, that better times are ahead, and that is what you have to believe. A powerful book.In response Morgan says: ‘I am so embarrassed. I am found out. “Me,” I want to shout. “I want to read it. Me.” But I don’t.’