Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

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Also, based on interactions with other families who went through the same thing, she was able to gather so much information, which she shared in this book. Barbara also shared some exercises to help children understand the behavioral patterns of their parents. This is a great resource for people who believe that they may be dealing with an addictive personality and feel the need to find better-coping skills moving forward, especially if you’re not sure where else to start when it comes to seeking out professional help or other resources in your life. 9. Love and Addiction: Lessons Learned from Romance, Relationships & Recovery – Adia Victoria Whether that’s through starting therapy, finding new hobbies, or simply spending more time alone to learn about who you are as a person. This can lead to a downward spiral for those who don’t know how to take control over these same types of issues – leading them even further down the path towards more serious problems with mental health, substance abuse issues, and failed relationships. Who do codependents attract?

These books offer practice advice to readers and assist them in escaping codependent habits and help them in developing healthy relationships. Codependency books can also serve as a guide to learning self-care and daily meditation. In it, the author helps the reader recognize signs of codependency in their own behavior (and the behavior of the people around them), then helps the reader work through their own codependent or enabling behaviors, as well as the codependent or enabling behaviors of their partner. Mellody, who lectures internationally on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunction, maps out the connection between childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse during childhood, and one’s capacity to maintain healthy relationships as an adult.Being codependent can be particularly harmful for parents of addicted children (Clearview Treatment Programs, n.d.). Codependent parents of addicted children can enable their children’s addictions, even when they think they are helping. The best way to recover from codependency is by learning how to really take care of yourself for the first time in your life. By starting a cordial relationship with Lazare, clients will experience a caring, collaborative, and engaging environment with the goal of improving outcomes by progressively working towards their goals and improving on their daily lives. People who grow up in families with drug addiction or alcoholism are often unaware of the impact that addiction has on their own lives. In addition to trauma, physical or emotional abuse and shame, they often feel overly responsible for the happiness and behavior of others. This can result in issues like depression, anxiety, unhealthy relationships, controlling behavior or the need for perfection. Menter uses an interactive format to help readers recover from codependent thinking by using mindfulness. Cullen, J., & Carr, A. (1999). Codependency: An empirical study from a systemic perspective. Contemporary Family Therapy, 21(4), 505-526.

Codependent relationships are a breeding ground for emotional abuse. The giver typically struggles with feelings of low self esteem, so they source their self-worth from taking care of their partner. As such, the partner who may be struggling with addiction, poor mental health, or other unresolved emotional issues benefits from the givers need to be needed and may frequently take advantage of them. Being born and raised in Gaithersburg, Maryland, it was always a dream for James to start a program where he began his own recovery journey. Having faced addiction in his own life, and having worked through recovery, James truly understands what it takes to get sober and stay sober. James now has the opportunity to do what he loves and help others achieve long-term recovery. James works alongside the clinical director and administrative team to help ensure that every client benefits from a customized treatment plan and holistic approach that offers freedom from the grips of addiction. The book also offers daily reflections and positive affirmations to support readers and help them on their path toward self-care, self-awareness, and letting go of unpleasant trends, trauma, and addiction. Friel, J. C., & Friel, L. D. (1987). Uncovering our frozen feelings: The iceberg model of codependency. Focus on the Family and Chemical Dependency, 46(1), 10-12. He also explains different ways readers can learn about themselves overall through introspection and journaling.Mental Health America. (n.d.). Co-dependency. Retrieved from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency Erin has a master’s degree in management from University of Maryland, University College, and a bachelor’s degree in special education from Townson University. Prior to entering the substance abuse and mental health field, Erin was a Special Education Teacher for 10 years. In addition to helping those suffering from addiction, Vanessa has dedicated part of her career to “helping the helper.” In 2015, she began working in a Training and Career Development Center coordinating substance abuse trainings for other clinicians. Her experience in behavioral health training, program development, and organizational leadership lead her to pursue a certification as a Project Management Professional in 2018. Vanessa also holds a Bachelor’s of Arts in Behavioral and Social Sciences from the University of Maryland, College Park and a Master’s of Business Administration-Human Resource Management from Columbia Southern University.

Author: Some authors approach the issue based on life experiences and stories, while others base their findings on established data. Please read about the authors and their writing styles to find the right book for yourself. Melissa is a visionary and empathetic leader in the field of peer support and recovery. Nationally Certified as a Peer Recovery Support Specialist by the Maryland Addiction and Behavioral-health Professionals Certification board, Melissa’s journey has been defined by her unwavering commitment to helping others find their path to recovery. Armed with credentials as a Registered Peer Supervisor, Certified Peer Recovery Specialist, and Alcohol and Drug Trainee she has earned her place as a guiding light for individuals seeking hope and solace. Melissa’s illustrious journey includes a Bachelor’s degree from the University of Maryland, College Park, while she currently works diligently towards her Master of Social Work (MSW) degree at Walden University. Melissa’s personal experiences with addiction and mental health struggles instilled within her a profound passion for supporting others on their recovery journey. Her unwavering commitment to peer support, coupled with her own lived experience, fuels her drive to make a meaningful impact in the lives of those facing similar challenges. Codependency in a relationship involves relying on a partner emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Codependency and drug addiction are closely correlated to one another. Codependence is defined as a physical, psychological, or emotional reliance on a dysfunctional relationship, usually involving the care of a person with an illness or addiction. At its root, codependency is the belief that one needs to sacrifice personal needs for others, regardless of the outcome. This behavior is often harmful to both the individual’s well-being as they ignore their own feelings and needs for the sake of others. Melodie Beattie, described as the “queen of codependency,” presents a realistic yet sympathetic picture of codependent people and their challenges by drawing inspiration from her own experience as a codependent and counselor. This is because of the tendency that people who have been “parentified” as children are more likely to be codependent (Wells et al., 1999). The concept of parentification refers to “the reversal of the parent-child role,” or when a child is forced to serve in a parental or care-taking role towards their own parent. Cloud and Townsend’s classic book don’t devote a significant amount of space to discussing codependency in and of itself, but they do discuss aspects of codependency in relation to establishing sound boundaries. The book explored the basic idea that certain women have and the attraction to unnecessarily clinging to and having total dependence on their relationships. In the course of their relationships, they often neglect their own needs and well-being.

This work can be hard to identify in ourselves, so having a supportive professional help us untangle these relationships can be crucial. Research has shown that codependency is not unique to the children (or spouses) of alcoholics, though, as many types of family difficulties can lead to codependency (Cullen & Carr, 1999). Codependency is the term used to describe an unhealthy relationship dynamic in which one partner believes they need the other. They believe that they will not survive or function without the other, while the other partner, the giver, thrives off this sense of being needed.In You’re Not Crazy – You’re Codependent, author Jeanette Elisabeth Menter uncovers the potential causes of codependency, which range from emotional abuse to childhood trauma, toxic parents to deeply held shame.