The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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Find your tribe. If being autistic makes you feel like an alien on this planet then being PDA can sometimes make you feel like a space monster. But you’re right. There’s huge potential for autistic RATIONAL demand avoidance to be seen as a pathology people try to train out of them instead of understanding their sensory, social, and personal needs. It’s a complicated issue all around. As a fellow Aspie with PDA, I relate so very well with many of Harry’s prospectives, which had me nodding in agreement and spontaneously laughing as I took in every word. I listened so intently that I listened to the whole audiobook in two sessions; only stopping the first day (yesterday) when I could no longer ignore my earth suit’s nagging incessancy for basic needs.

He is so honest and I feel I have failed him these last two years, but we are going to find a way forward. Sorry for the very long post, but every post I read is giving me hope after a very difficult and traumatising three years. And it calms my fears about my son just having violent tendencies. As well as confirms my feeling that he isn't a “naughty child” but rather he struggles. Also, good article. I find writing lists extremely helpful – and keeping a small notebook on me. And refuse to buy outside of it or deviate from my plan otherwise the impulse control can be so problematic (I can just leave it for next time if not pre-decided – it eliminates stress of decision making on the spot in public) . What seems like a good idea when even mildly sensory overwhelmed is often not. I recommend this book, without any hesitation for anyone who has or suspects a loved one to have PDA. It will make both your life and your loved ones life infinitely more rewarding and happy. The more demands are perceived or placed on you, the more you will be pushed towards meltdown – and no one wants that. Pushing yourself to meet demands in high stress times can cause burnout, and then you’ll get nothing done.Regarding PDA children and teenagers: I know the bedtime battles that you have with them as they see an enforced bedtime as a HUGE demand. It is a liberating experience reading someone else’s words and finding them to resonate in your bones like they could be talking specifically about you. It is something that you can do for two minutes or two hours. But it is a great way to calm the mind and to reduce your anxiety. There are lots of free apps that have guided meditations on them with lots of personalities and styles to choose from to fit your style of unwinding and focusing. We believe that PDA exists as a neurodivergent phenomenon, but not that it is exclusive to autistic people. We feel more research is needed to determine if PDA is a distinct condition or an interaction of co-occurring conditions. I have sat down to write this article over a dozen times, have had the words clearly in my head; but when I have found a quiet moment with my laptop, a wall drops down between what I want to do and actually being able to do it. I am an autistic with a PDA profile and sometimes the demand of doing even something that I really want to do is impossible.

Try and schedule them to come out around the times when you have the most money in your account, such as right after paydays or benefits deposit. I am a passionate autistic advocate and my aim is to help to spread awareness, understanding and acceptance of autistics. I don’t know about you, but I have very poor impulse control which has led to me painfully regretting some of my impulsive decisions. If you have someone you trust who is sensible and has your best interests at heart, just run your more extreme impulses by them before jumping in head first. OK, I know I said ten... but I needed to add one more. Our daughter has the PDA profile and she is witty, affectionate, charming, sociable, chatty and creative, with a great imagination. She, and many others with PDA, deserve to be better understood. I believe that society can change, but only if we are educated so that we know how to help. Please share this post so that more people begin to understand!There is debate about the existence of pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and whether or not it is an autistic profile. We’ve promised to update the community as we continue to look into the issue from all sides. Around every corner is a demand waiting to thrust itself upon us. So how do we cope with all of these demands that can’t help themselves hammering down on us like we’re a nail that just won’t lay flat? I don't know what it will look like going forward as I have to find a way to keep providing a safe space for him while being able to work as well, but it has given me hope. As a clinician who has worked with complex young people and adults with Autism throughout my working life, I was delighted to be asked to review this book. I read it in one sitting. It is the most articulate, honest, entertaining (and sometimes funny) book about PDA I have read. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to gain an insight into how this profile impacts upon individuals, their families and those who work with or are involved in their education. -- Dr Judy Eaton, Consultant Clinical Psychologist