How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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The premise of this book is that the author realized she was fighting with her husband more frequently and with a lot more vitriol after the birth of their only child. After reading a study that shows the impact of unhappy parents on their children, she decides to do whatever it takes to stop fighting with her husband. At first, she's doing it for the sake of her daughter, but by the end, she realizes she should have been doing it for her marriage/husband all along.

emphasize chores as a group effort by using the word 'we'--'We need to get this done' or 'Let's clean up the living room.' 'That gets across that we're all working together to help each other out." (p173) It shouldn’t be surprising that parenthood presents challenges to a partnership. For the vast majority of couples, what psychologists call “protective” relationship factors – such as communication, intimacy and time together – take a hit when a baby is born. Throw in stressors including sleep deprivation and financial anxiety, and it often can seem impossible for a couple to avoid more conflict or tension after having a child. Meh. The anecdotes weren't that relatable for a mom in the MidWest. Lots of statistics thrown out that are pretty common sense. Parts were affirming-- as a mom of 3, married with a full-time job. . ..yea. Kids don't perceive household chores as being awful when they're very young--we're training them to do that when we complain about them" (p174) If you’re yelling and calling names, your kid thinks, ‘If I get in a disagreement, the way to resolve it is to speak more forcefully, more loudly, and to say harsher things to get my way.”Even discounting the final chapter, there's a lot of repetition. Dunn even manages to recycle some of her jokes into several locations. Any thoughts like “your relaxation is more important”, “it has to be clean in the house before time I want it to be”, “partner has to do what I say”, “stop disrespecting me”, “i have to do everything by myself”– are toxic and unnecessary. In our heads primarily, let alone in the communication. Then there is a chapter about sex (nothing you’d be afraid to have your neighbor see you reading), money, and clutter.

For her part, Dunn had to learn to control her temper, which a therapist told her was verbally abusive, and to ask directly for help, rather than spiraling into a rage cycle when her husband couldn’t read her mind. I did roll my eyes a bit at the beginning but actually found myself getting more interested as the book went on. This is basically an overview of current approaches for improving a situation where a married heterosexual couple are raising young children together, both working outside the home, but having a lot of conflict at home much in the pattern of "the husband doesn't do enough household chores/childcare, the wife is exhausted and angry." Which is a particular set of circumstances, but anecdotally seems to be one that many households are suffering in, even if the couple intended to be more egalitarian than generations past. Recommended for parents of all ages, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids contains wisdom for just about every troublesome situation that one may find themselves in after children. Let's hope the book can live up to its title. When I first brought it home from the library, Bart raised an eyebrow and said, “I’m not sure what I think about that book.” the pay gap between males and females starts squarely at home, with allowance...boys get paid 15% more for the same chores done by girls" (p175)

They figured their new roles would fall into place seamlessly; her husband already shouldered half the housework, so she assumed the labour of parenting would be equally split, too. Rather than discuss potential issues that might arise, they spent their time talking about what colour they'd paint the nursery, what they'd name the baby and their registry. Even when they are asleep, infants as young as six months react negatively to angry, argumentative voices, as University of Oregon researchers discovered by measuring brain activity of babies in the presence of steadily rising voices. Babies raised by unhappily married parents have been shown to have a host of developmental problems, from delayed speech and potty training to a reduced ability to self-soothe.” Honestly one of the best parts of this book was just realizing how common these issues were. It’s enabled me to give a bit more grace to my husband when I feel he’s not helping eno

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids is a witty and practical non-fiction account of the struggles of Jancee Dunn and her husband after their first child was born. Find ways to get Dad involved and continue to encourage and reward his engagement with the baby. This means stop criticizing the way he dresses the baby, feeds the baby, or changes a diaper. Dad feeling competent is more important than the baby wearing coordinating outfits. Despite how common it is for couples to feel less satisfied or experience more challenges after having a child, many parents don't open up about these issues – let alone seek help.If you only ever read one self-help book let it be this one. It's almost a five for one deal in that the author has painstakingly researched and ferreted out the best of the best in various areas of psychology that is vital for a healthy marriage.