Mouthful of Forevers

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i already told you that i’m not a ghost,” says yoongi, and jeongguk narrows his eyes. whatever yoongi is, he needs to learn better manners—he just showed up in jeongguk’s apartment first and now he’s here, eating cereal in the middle of the park. at the same time, jeongguk is already finding it strangely endearing. but he can’t change the fact that not dying when he was supposed has put him on the universe’s hit list. he can’t change the fact that by yoongi not dying, he’s putting jeongguk in more danger he knows what to do with. so that means—i have to pull it out?” asks jeongguk, eyebrows furrowing as he stares at the handle of the sword. it looks heavy, but yoongi didn’t say it was painful. he’s been carrying it around like that for centuries.

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i won’t do it,” says jeongguk then, with a shake of his head. “i’m not going to pull out the sword if it means you die, hyung. i want you to know that.” jeongguk’s eyes are sad, a bone-deep sort of sadness that yoongi hasn’t wanted to see for a long time. and he knows that jeongguk has suffered anyway—losing his mother at a young age, living with terrible relatives who didn’t treat him right, struggling through a year of trying to make ends meet as an unemployed actor in a harsh city. yoongi wants to think that he’s made it better even without granting wishes, but he can’t change all of it. he could direct jeongguk toward the right audition, could give him the confidence to get cast, could love him the way he does. he says i’m not the goblin’s bride,” says jeongguk; he can’t help pouting as he sits in the middle of his bed, wrapped up in a blanket. seokjin sits next to him, and jeongguk pretends that he can feel seokjin petting his hair or something comforting; just having him here is good enough, but jeongguk always wishes there was more. jeongguk narrows his eyes at yoongi, tries to see it—is yoongi the sort to be able to protect souls? is he the sort to go out of his way to do so, to make people happy, to live through whatever the universe or god decides he should suffer? it’s impossible to know. in their few meetings, yoongi has revealed so little about himself. he could be suffering from a thousand years worth of pain and sadness, or he could just… be like every other human on the planet, and suffering because that’s what humans do.

the room is cast into darkness again, and jeongguk just sits there for a second and lets himself smell the smoke. sometimes it’s easier like this—in darkness, he can pretend. he can pretend he’s not some korean kid in the middle of new york city, trying to make it big on broadway with a few years of drama school under his belt and a whole lot of passion.

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i did see you, baby,” grins yoongi. “and you were absolutely marvellous. you should be cast in every broadway play ever from now on.” jeongguk’s lips twitch into a grin, almost against his will. “aw, hyung,” he begins, making his way over to the table, and yoongi already groans, getting up from the table and dodging jeongguk’s outstretched arms. “that’s so cute! you care about me.” i think you’re a goblin.” he gauges yoongi’s face for his reaction—the slight look of amusement in the other’s eyes disappears entirely, face settling into something stony. he doesn’t look pleased—which jeongguk takes as a sign that he’s right. it’s the sort of thing that he’s only heard about for years: a person who is paying for their sins from centuries ago by being granted immortality, forced to watch all of their friends and loved ones die before them over and over again. at least goblins are able to do supernatural things—grant wishes, but also protect souls however they can, among other things.namjoon?” yoongi lifts his eyes, almost smirking as he says the name. “he’s harmless for the most part. a pain in my ass already, but he’s not the one who kills you. he just does his job, takes the names that he’s given, and helps lead them onto their next life. so he won’t kill you. and he’ll only take you if it’s your time to go.” when yoongi has gone, disappearing into his room, and jeongguk is still admiring the suit, he’s startled by the sound of footsteps behind him. he turns around to see namjoon, the man leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen and watching him. movement in the wings catches his attention; yoongi turns his eyes to see namjoon standing there, watching him. “here just in case?” yoongi asks him. the important ones,” says yoongi, and there’s something sad in his voice, something horrible—jeongguk is reminded again of the fact that yoongi might be a thousand years old. might have seen so much, lasted through enough to leave him jaded and bitter. he’s not like that, but maybe he’s still sad. “i’ve had a lot of companions, or helpers, if you will. people who take care of me. even though it’s their— job, they’re like family to me.”

Mouthful of Forevers by Clementine von Radics - Purple Pencil

in the blink of an eye, he’s practically pressed chest to chest with yoongi, both of them squished into the bathroom stall. you said you needed one for your opening night,” says yoongi, but the way he says it is. sad. everything he says is sad, everything he does—he’s suffered so much, jeongguk thinks. it’s good to end it. “so this is my gift to you. you’ll look—beautiful.” jeongguk turns around again, eyes widening slightly as he looks at him. for the first time, jeongguk allows himself to think that yoongi is actually kind of— cute. he can’t be too much older than jeongguk himself. he has nice lips.if you’re up there, mom,” he begins quietly, whispering into the silence and darkness of his tiny kitchen, “i want you to know that it’s a good birthday, even without you. and i want to thank you for looking out for me this past year, even if things didn’t really turn out how i wanted. and—” jeongguk pauses. his mother can’t grant wishes. his mother—might not even be able to hear him, although he knows that spirits are more real than some might believe. he saw his mother as a ghost once, when she’d died. it was irresponsible,” says yoongi. “but you got what you wanted. are you happy?” seokjin doesn’t look it—can’t have, not with what nearly happened. there was no way to know that the man would try to hurt jeongguk, but it happened anyway. yoongi doesn’t bother to ask how they ended up on the roof in the first place, or what either of them were trying to accomplish by confronting the man like this rather than gathering evidence another way. they say if you catch a falling leaf, you’ll fall in love with the person you’re walking with,” he says, staring at the leaf rather than yoongi. i’m being a good boyfriend,” counters jeongguk, “by making you step out of your comfort zone a little. you always look so put together and like you have all the answers, so it’s kind of satisfying to find something you can’t do.”