Sunshine Warm Sober: The unexpected joy of being sober – forever

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And yet, I’ve now been totally alcohol-free for almost eight years. The curveball lesson for me was this: none is far easier than one. When I don’t drink, I stay responsible; when I drink, I become flagrantly irresponsible. If you find yourself at this dilemma junction, you’ve probably already spent many years trying and failing to ‘reduce volume’. Drinkers who don’t struggle to ‘moderate’ (ie. those who drink one or two and then stop) don’t really contemplate quitting booze. Why? The negatives of their drinking have probably not outweighed the positives yet. It’s hard to experience many negative offshoots from a few glasses of wine over the course of a week. So by the time people arrive at the notion of potentially quitting altogether, or ‘harm reduction’, they’ve most likely already established that they are not a moderate drinker anyhow. Few people are, as it happens. They’re rare. I can count the ‘moderate drinkers’ I know on one hand. So by all means, try a moderation experiment, many do before alighting on quitting altogether. It’s often the final ‘convincer’. The irony is; none is far easier than one. Cold turkey sounds petrifying, but it’s easier overall. I read Catherine Gray's book The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober two years ago when I realized that alcohol had become a problem in my life and I needed guidance and support from other people who had successfully "made the switch" to an alcohol free life. It contained current research, data and great stories which were very helpful. Anything Catherine Grey writes really hits home to me. I feel like I’m reading the words of a best friend or an older (not by much)sister. We know now that being teetotal for one, three, even twelve months brings surprising joys and a recharged body… but nothing has been written about going years deep into being alcohol-free.

Sunshine Warm Sober by Catherine Gray | Hachette UK

No other author writes about sober living with as much warmth or emotional range as Catherine Gray. Her deep insight into the subtle psychologies of drinking, and of life, means that everything she writes is both utterly relatable and stretches our minds. Hers is a rare wisdom.’– Dr Richard Piper, CEO, Alcohol Change UK This hotly anticipated sequel enlists the help of experts and case studies, turning a curious, playful gaze onto provocative questions. Is alcohol a parenting aid? Why are booze and cocaine such a horse and carriage? Once an addict, always an addict? How do you feel safe - from alcohol, others and yourself - in sobriety? I learnt this the hard way. But if you live the exact same way as you did before, the exact same thing will keep happening. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? In the summer, my drinking dug in harder, faster, stronger, more. Invitations to start drinking at lunchtime rolled in every weekends which meant that, before the sun had set, I’d already lost my ability to say three-syllable words – as well as some of my belongings and romantic standards. I was already happy as a sober. Happy as a clam, happy as a camper, happy as Augustus Gloop in Charlie’s Chocolate Factory. I had a brief spell of feeling bored, but that was soon torpedoed by a clever therapist who cleared his throat and said, ‘Maybe you’re just bored in general?’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked? ‘Maybe you’re just bored with your life right now, rather than bored with sobriety?’ Hot damn, he was right. So, I went out and got a more interesting life. YouTube is your free friend, whether you want to learn to sea-swim or make a soufflé.Whether you're a dedicated boozehound, flirting with teetotalling, or already sober, this witty, gritty read may just change how you think about alcohol forever. Catherine has been sober for over 7 years now. While her first book explores the early stages of change and the learning along the way, this one provides guidance on long-term change. Sunshine Warm Sober: Unexpected Joy That Lasts is all about what comes next. She notes that many people can manager shorter stints of sobriety, but that many find the longterm change the struggle. This book inspires hope for a brighter future, where alcohol isn’t centre stage. Catherine shares her own experiences and learnings, this is a refreshing and honest read. She encourages the reader to think beyond quitting drinking and look at the big stuff. What do we want life to look like? What boundaries do we need to set? If you are seeking longterm change and a life without alcohol, this book is a great tool to have in your kit. Drinking hoovered up my time, energy and money like an anteater on ants. Now, I spend these precious finite resources on things such as yoga, living in different countries, writing books, (very) amateur photography, parenting a puppy, running, art galleries, paddleboarding, reading about psychology, cycling on the seafront in Brighton. When people ask me, ‘What have you replaced drinking with?’ I find myself confounded. There’s no singular answer. Because the answer is – everything that is pleasurable about my life. I’ve replaced a kind of half-life, where I limped along constantly hungover or jonesing for a drink, with a full-life.

I’ve learnt about alcohol | Alcohol Change UK The six new things I’ve learnt about alcohol | Alcohol Change UK

I absolutely loved this book! A fantastic book for anyone that is already sober. Most books on sobriety can say a lot of the same things, and if you're already sober they can be a bit unrevolutionary but this book was fantastic and very much aimed at those deep into their sobriety. Laugh out loud funny in places. Truly sobering (ahem - intended) in others, this book is the companion you didn’t know you needed, once “you’ve totally gotten used to not feeling like an extra from Walking Dead on a Saturday morning”While big drinkers? Have a “drinking” pathway that looks more like a motorway. “With any recurring, highly motivated activity, you’re going to get synaptic superhighways – what you would call motorways in Britain – that carry most of the brain’s traffic,” says Dr Lewis. The new non-drinking pathway is a mere garden path in comparison at the beginning, but over time it grows to become just as pronounced. 6. Changing ‘I can’t’ to ‘I don’t’ This hasn’t happened to me for years now, because all of my friends and family (and some of wider society!) are aware of my non-drinking. However, I acutely remember what those first few years were like. The moment when you have to refuse a champagne flute during a toast, and feel like a great big galah for toasting with a clumsy tumbler of water instead. Or walking into a pub with people who don’t know and having to undergo the ‘just a juice for me. No, honestly!’ bum-clencher conversation. My best advice for the newly hatched sober is to tell people you don’t drink / are not drinking tonight before the event itself, to lessen the likelihood of the booze-pushing in the moment. Exercise beforehand to flush adrenaline and cortisol from your system (and give you an endorphin glow). Prep some one-liners that are as close to the truth as possible for any pressure that might occur. And if all becomes too much, simply do an ‘Irish trapdoor’ (also known as a ‘French exit’) and just – leave. You can always explain afterward that you felt enormous pressure to drink and so you needed to skedaddle. We know now that being teetotal for one, three, even twelve months brings surprising joys and a recharged body... but nothing has been written about going years deep into being alcohol-free. A reflective, raw and riveting read. A beautiful book on what it takes to root for yourself' - Emma Gannon, Ctrl Alt Delete

Sunshine Warm Sober: Catherine Gray on sustaining long-term Sunshine Warm Sober: Catherine Gray on sustaining long-term

So I wasn’t unhappy and I wasn’t bored, but my challenge in long-term recovery was this. How to finally feel safe. Safe from myself, safe from others, safe from my memories, and last but definitely not least, safe from alcohol and the ultra-pressurised culture around it. That’s what we’re going to explore here. My first book was about finding the ‘happy’. Here, we’re going to plunge into the ‘ever after’. Phenomenal; only a 14 per cent falter rate. But hang on, pipes up the negative-seeking drone inside me; that’s not zero, is it? That’s still 14 per cent. And the central theme of my last few years has been about that number, if I had to be a reductionist. About casting around for ways to feel as protected from it as humanly possible. Not living in fear, but being productive in protecting this rainforest from deforestation.Find the latest alcohol research and news, tips to help you cut down, stories from people who have experienced alcohol harm and so much more. I think it was something largely driven by social media. When I quit drinking in 2013, the notion of being ‘out and proud’ about sobriety on socials was unheard of. All the ex-drinkers I knew hid away in private groups (either physically or virtually) and talked in hushed whispers. They hid their recovery from workmates, friends, even family in some cases. I even used a pseudonym while chatting in a private Facebook group made up entirely of such ex-drinkers! There was still an enormous amount of shame and stigma around it. At that point, quitting drinking was only a path for extremely addicted drinkers; it wasn’t remotely a positive lifestyle choice. How has the process of writing about your sober journey been and have you found it helpful to be open about your personal experience? Staying sober from year four on became, dare I say it, easy. But the less obvious yet more profound work began. I started finessing life skills that seemed like they were nothing to do with sobriety, yet they were totally related. I learned how to do things like say no (regularly), set boundaries (hate boundaries), ask for what I needed, preserve my energy for the parties I wanted to spend it on and learned how to open the chamber of shame (the things I’d done) in safe company. I’ll be frank, much of this was less fun, but ultimately more transformative. I enjoyed lots of this book, particularly the sections putting ‘stone cold drunk’ and ‘sunshine warm sober’ experiences side by side. It was so powerful and worth the price of the book for those. But a little disappointed there wasn’t more of that.