The Unexpected Joy of Being Single: Locating unattached happiness

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Most of us are living average, normal lives. We have these flashes of extraordinary moments but they don't last very long... most of [life] is workaday and a bit humdrum and pedestrian. So why not embrace the joy of the ordinary? We've got nothing to lose.” Being thankful for the little things can be life-changing South Korean universities are now running ‘Marriage and Family’ courses in which it’s mandatory for students to date three classmates, for a whole month, each. (It’s unclear whether they get to choose who they date for four weeks.)”

Anyone who’s been single long enough has likely been plagued with the same thought — what if I die alone? Our lives are constructed around the idea of finding our ‘other half,’ suggesting that we’re somehow incomplete on our own. This book is here to change that. The author herself took a year off dating to experience what it’s like to be truly single — this is what she learned. That is so true when you think about,” says Catherine. “A year ago I really wanted to live on my own, I was done with house-sharing and I wanted furniture so that I could feel like an adult. Now I have these things, but of course now I'm thinking ‘I want to buy a flat’, and ‘I want to make my flat look like Soho House’. You forget that what you have now is what you always wanted. And you made it happen! So you need to consciously remind yourself.” Over half of Brits aged 25-44 are now single. It's become the norm to remain solo until much later in life, given the average marriage ages of 35 (women) and 38 (men). Many of us are choosing never to marry at all. Instead of the jargon common of self-help books marketed at women, and their inane sets of rules to avoid a lifetime alone, Gray employs her own terminology (see: man-attracting; single sorrow; oneomania). Unfortunately, what she has not managed to avoid is sprinkling clichés throughout. But then, society’s obsession with romance is fundamentally clichéd. At least Gray is self-aware. A culture shift is overdueIn the quest to find out more about the author, Catherine Gray and her book, we came across a podcast where she speaks with Eric Zimmer at The One You Feed. We learn Catherine lives alone in a one bedroom apartment in Brighton. In this podcast, she talks about The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single and what it has been like to be single for many years. The ups and downs, her own personal journey and the misconceptions of others surrounding single life. The podcast gives us a taste of what to expect from the book which is also available in audio, narrated by Catherine herself. My alcohol dependence and my love addiction prop each other up, like a smashed people trying to walk home from a party. My drinking enables me to secure boyfriends, and when it falls apart, my drinking is there to console me, or to catapult me on to the next conquest. The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single. What a great title for a book, wouldn’t you agree? We were instantly curious! Given the documented rise in solo living and the growing number of singletons, this book is timely and expresses what many singles already know. Seasoned solos may be more ‘joyful’ than newbies because let’s face it – not everyone is completely comfortable with their single status. But, do we underestimate the joys of living alone and being single? Have we been slow to appreciate the benefits and are they only realised when a single life proves to be a long term experience?

When I saw this book on the shelf at Foyle's, I immediately groaned. There are few things I hate more than people trying to convince me just how amazing being single is when I'd rather not be in this state. Nevertheless, I decided to buy it as knowledge is power and if someone can convince me that single is amazing, I would be very thankful. Therefore, I shall call this review "The Unexpected Joy of Enjoying This Book." Not only did I enjoy this book, I LOVED it. For someone who doesn't like being told how great single is, that's quite impressive. However, I do think that a more appropriate title for the book would be "The Unexpected Joy of Not Settling." So in the end, it was a lot of what I'd already say I know: in my ripe old age (39), I already know that it is a GAZILLION BAJILLION times to be single than to be with the wrong person and that is indeed why I am single. I see a lot of people in relationships that I don't envy for a second and I know that I am better off. I am so glad I read this book (on a whim, because of a rail replacement bus), and I will certainly be revisiting it and recommending it to anyone who will listen.

The book encourages you to re-evaluate your assumptions about singledom and find the contented single in yourself.

Social conditioning around being single where the media, culture and society still portray singledom as a sad existence. Society needs to catch up with the growing number of singletons and take the pressure off! In 2018, the author Catherine Gray published a book about how her search for happiness had led her to take a year off dating. And what did she call it? The Unexpected Joy of Being Single.

Even though this book is supposed to be for all genders, it is most definitely written with straight, white women in mind, which makes sense because it is written by a straight, white woman. This is not a criticism of the book, just a word of caution that it will not apply to everyone's experience. There is a lot more to being single and dating to what is discussed here. The heart of The Unexpected Joy of Being Single is Gray’s story of how she got from being a love addict and romantic cliché to feeling proud of her single life and confident that hers will be a happy life no matter how long her singlehood lasts. How being single is often seen as a ‘waiting existence’. That is, waiting to find ‘the one’ and why it’s now a misguided idea.