When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

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If we cope in these ways, not only do we get angry or afraid but we usually lose the battle -- and there are real battles in life, to be won or lost -- with other people; we get frustrated and eventually sad or depressed." But that's fluff compared to the real nastiness; an incident of domestic abuse is used as a funny anecdote. Whenever you hear yourself or someone else say 'should', extend your anti-manipulative antennae up as far as possible and listen carefully. In all likelihood, some message that says, "You are not your own judge." will follow."

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills

Colleague:“Frustrated? Yes, I’m very frustrated. I could have been working on something else” (delivered with aggression)Don't say, "I am so, so sorry that I can't walk your dog next weekend. I feel really, really bad about it."

The Bill of Assertive Rights - Assertiveness Articles

We can decide whether we offer our help and support to others. We can decide to do so or not. Again, right 1 comes into play in that we also have to accept the consequences for not doing so. Right to Change Your MindFOGGING is a very effective skill for desensitizing you to criticism and actually reducing the frequency of criticism from others. It rapidly sets up a psychological distance, boundary lines between you and the person you FOG.” Have you ever found clothes while shopping that you knew for a fact you didn't like, but ended up buying anyway because of how helpful and friendly the sales staff was? What about when your boss buries you under a pile of work? Although you may want to speak up, you keep quiet because of your low rank in the company. In these types of situations, you've probably wondered, "How will I ever be able to express my true thoughts and feelings?" The answer is through being assertive.

Feel Guilty For Saying No? Why and How to Stop | Psych Central

They also point out that we also have the right to choose to not be assertive if we don’t want to be – but we also have to accept the consequences of not choosing to be assertive.The fogging technique is an approach often used in assertiveness skills that helps us to provide a calm response to someone who is being aggressive towards us. When used correctly, the fogging technique aims to reduce further confrontation by not feeding the aggression, but rather quashing it. The technique was described by Manuel J. Smith in his book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Some of the sample dialouges are cheesy, many are dated, and some are just bizarre. The writing is forcibly folksy and unremittingly optimistic. It's vintage 1975 self-help style and I think that's part of the charm; others may disagree. I get that this can be done, and it's important to do now and then to establish that you can, although I do also think that white lies make the world go round If you do not recognize your assertive right to choose to be responsible only for yourself, other people can and will manipulate you into doing what they want by presenting their own problems to you as if they were your problems.”