I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

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By recognising our shame screens, we can make alternative choices as shame screens do not work and can cut us off from what we want most in life – authentic connection with ourselves and others (which is why developing empathy is important). Shame manifests through various symptoms: red face and shaking, difficulty swallowing, and even more extreme ones like the inability to even get out of bed.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog

But Brown says the way through is sharing those uncomfortable feelings with others. One of the solutions to shame is empathy and another is self awareness. For example, this quote from a letter to Dr. Brown is one that I could have written myself: "...I learned to identify what I was feeling as shame.... I learned that I am very shame-based, that I had all of the 'symptoms' ... but never really related them to the concept of shame. It's kind of like having a lot of strange and disparate symptoms but not knowing what to attribute them to. If you don't know what the disease is, you can't treat it. When painful things happened, my face would flush, my stomach would tighten, and I would want to hide. But since the situations were all different, even though my reaction might be the same, I never could specifically identify the emotion I was feeling. So I never really could deal with it. ..." (p. 122)very personal and “shameful” things to each other. According to renowned shame researcherDr. Brene Brown, shame is the “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and […] Even focusing on the shame that we take on board/adopt/feel when we find ourselves in carer roles for ageing loved ones. I was surprised, and grateful to have this discussed. to Brown, who has extensively researched the effects of shame and articulated Shame Resilience Theory, recognizing when you feel shame and why and talking about it is one of the most powerful things […] If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!” On a more positive note, Brown writes everyone has experienced this at some point or another. She uses this universality of experience to issue a clarion call for change. To foster shame resilience, we should build networks of support and be kind to each other by showing our own vulnerability. We're all in this together.

I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) - Brené Brown

The only way to beat shame is having friends and support networks with whom we can share our experiences without being judged. The Role of Anger However, Brené does not condemn anger. She claims it’s a helpful emotion, but only when it’s being used to mask another. There’s a reason for this widespread reaction. People tend to point fingers when they don’t want to face their feelings; hence anger and shame are linked. This is, at its root, a technique for people to reclaim control over their “weak” feelings by demonstrating strength. As Brown points out, we are made for connection. And personally, for me, when I've attempted to form that connection, only to be rejected because others don't want to get down in the mess, it only deepens my shame and makes me become even more disconnected and withdrawn. We will become more alienated if we allow ourselves to become caught in a perpetual avoidance of our genuine feelings. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and seek the empathy you need to heal rather than become a victim of these destructive behaviors. If you are ready to reclaim your courage and take the next step towards freedom and opening your heart, why not join our Toolkit?As someone who wisely chose to reject some damaging expectations, I found a lot of truth echoed in this passage: "There are times when our feelings, thoughts and actions relate directly to our past or current struggles. But there are certainly times when they don't. The problem arises because, at some point, most of us begin to believe the expectations about who we're supposed to be, what we're supposed to look like, what we're supposed to do, how much we're supposed to be and how little we're supposed to be. We also develop a fear of rejecting those expectations. We constantly see evidence that if we do reject these expectations, we will experience very painful disconnections and rejection. So we internalize these expectations and they become an emotional prison. Shame stands guard." (p. 228) I'm in two minds about this audiobook. First of all of I am a big fan of Brown, so it was a little disappointing to start listening and realise that someone else was reading it (she was great... I just found that I really enjoyed listening to the passion in Browns voice, she almost becomes a friend through her books in a weird way). The 15 year old who just got glasses and doesn’t want to go to school any more, the 33 year old mother who’s constantly doubting herself, and anyone who regularly gives talks or holds presentations. I am absolutely in love with Brene Brown's brain. This book does an excellent job of defining shame (and as different from guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, and low-self-esteem). She sources where and how shame occurs and how to escape the immobilizing impact it can have on spirit and heart. It is story-filled rather than explicitly informative which makes her work accessible to most anyone.