The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

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Olivia Fox Cabane is a French-American author. She is a regular columnist for “Fast Company” and has previously written for both “Forbes” and “The Huffington Post”. Cabane was the youngest person in history to have been appointed Foreign Trade Advisor to the French Government. And you can always scroll down for my actual opinion of the book.) 1. Charisma consists of three components: Power, Presence, and Warmth It is what helps us forgive ourselves when we've fallen short; it's what prevents internal criticism from taking over and playing across our face, ruining our charisma potential. In this way, self-compassion is critical to emanating warmth. This book was a great accompaniment to my commute. I listened to it daily and treated it like a great daily vitamin. It gave me valuable input to think about my own behavior. As the author defines the term, charisma is an acquired set of behavior, verbal and non-verbal, that display confidence and power.

Gorilla Imagery ==> Taking up space, broadcasting presence to surroundings ==> Powerful people take up space Now think of a being—present, past, mythical, or actual; per- son, pet, or even stuffed animal—that you can imagine having warm affection for you. Responsibility Transfer ==> Meditation exercise transferring the weight of all concerns onto an all-powerful entity If any negative thoughts are present, remember that they’re just thoughts, and not necessarily valid. Take up space + Reduce nonverbal reassurances (nodding) + No fidgeting + Speak less + Speak slowly + Know how and when to pause sentences + How to change voice intonation

Foundations: Ability to project complete conviction and confidence in a cause + Based on power + Warmth/Passion in their vision, which must include measures of nobility and altruism A few interesting things come up in the discussion about handling obstacles. "Skillfully handling any difficult experience is a three-step process: destigmatise discomfort, neutralise negativity and rewrite reality." (Loc 735). The point is made that often we beat ourselves up for feeling bad about something, which of course makes everything worse. Destigmatising is simply remembering that whatever you're feeling is a normal part of being human. I also really like a quote about rewriting reality - "One charismatic entrepreneur told me: "I decide to interpret everything favourably toward myself. It's not just that I'm optimistic, I'm actually conveniently deluded. Why does this work? Once again, we can thank the brains' tendency to accept imagination as reality." I love the idea of "convenient delusion". I at least get so wrapped up in trying to think things through correctly, be right, predict correctly…but it does me no good in many cases because you can't know lots of things…bring on the convenient delusions, I say. Once you can manage your discomforts, you’re ready to create an optimal mental state. Presence, power and warmth are conveyed mainly through your body language, which is impossible to control consciously. To project charisma, you must start by managing your internal state of mind. People Will Reveal Too Much to the Charismatic Person Because of the “Charisma Bubble/Connection” ==> Then Recoil + or Face Issues/Situations They Are Not Ready For + or Have too Many Epiphanies To Handle You become charismatic by giving 100% focus to another person. No fidgeting with hands. No cell phone. No looking around. 100% focus on them.

Makes others feel inspired; makes them “believe”. Can be effective even when disliked. Why? People are uncomfortable with uncertainty. You are selling people on your vision more than yourself Thompson, Jeff (March 29, 2012). "The Charisma Myth Book Review". Psychology Today . Retrieved August 14, 2016. In the chapter “The Charismatic Behaviors” you’ll learn that there are three keys to being charismatic: you need to be present in the moment when engaging with others; you need to give off warmth by implying goodwill toward others; and you need to appear powerful by coming across as someone capable of affecting the world around you.Loy Machedo’s Book Review: The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane To decide which charisma style you should choose, you can follow certain rules suggested by the author. When in doubt, go with your natural style that you’re most comfortable with. Then consider the goal of the interaction or the situation of the event. For example, kindness charisma is best for delivering bad news while visionary and authority charisma styles are best when you’re giving a presentation. Lesson 3: Charisma begins in your mind, so you must prepare yourself to face the internal obstacles. Getting Satisfaction – Dealing with resentment (“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”): Getting closure by yourself; writing an apology letter from the other person’s perspective Key Supports should have at least one of the following: Stories (Entertaining and Short) + Metaphors/Analogies (Wonder and Awe) + Personal/Meaningful/Relatable Numbers and Statistics + Close with clear point or transition Being present—paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts—can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued.”

I'm interested in charisma mostly because a) I don't think I have much and think it's useful and b) my ex-boss had it in bags and it was kind of fascinating. Crazy, horrible, self-obsessed, psychotic and still she could make people like her (including me) and do what she wanted. Kind of like a superpower being used for evil ends. She made me really wonder, what are the component parts of this thing? How does it happen? To practice "authority charisma" when in public don't move out of the way for other people when walking. One of the reasons that the Dalai Lama has such a powerful effect on people is his ability to radiate both tremendous warmth and complete acceptance.”And according to Olivia Fox Cabane and her bestselling book “ The Charisma Myth”, charisma is a mixture of three components: presence, power, and warmth. And it’s not something you’re born with – but something you can learn it. Imposter Syndrome: Competent people believing they are frauds and are waiting for someone to expose them ==> Occurs especially in highly competent individuals Let the discomfort build. Observe and name the sensations you feel: hot, cold, tightness in your jaw, a knot in your stomach.

Very difficult for the brain to directly suppress strong negative emotions (e.g. anger) ==> Increases stress levelsProtect Yourself when dealing with difficult people ==> with empathy + with oxytocin + compassion + Prepare thoroughly (using all techniques above) This mindset (stigmatising discomfort) is one of the main reasons that negative thoughts, emotions, and internal experiences are difficult to handle; we feel they shouldn't be happening. So not only do we feel bad, we then feel bad about feeling bad. Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to great performance in any field. It's often called the silent killer of business.