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As a Survivor of more than one toxic lethal relationship this book really spoke to me. There are many books on this topic but I find they are either badly written memoirs or a load of psychological babble from someone with two degrees who has never been through it. There is really only one way to diminish the protective self: stop feeding it. Instead we need to feel what’s there when we don’t indulge it.” Jillian Pransky, author of Deep Listening: A Healing Practice to Calm Your Body, Clear Your Mind, and Open Your Heart
Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True
As we learn that we’re responsible for our own emotions, we become more comfortable with the idea that others are responsible for their own emotions too. With this mind-set, we can finally relax—and begin to heal.” There is no need to leave the task of reading comprehension solely up to your memory. I keep my notes in Evernote. I prefer Evernote over other options because 1) it is instantly searchable, 2) it is easy to use across multiple devices, and 3) you can create and save notes even when you’re not connected to the internet.Walking the reader through tools to use, how to identify your protective self, how to deconstructe that protective self, the author leads us to identifying and healing the core wound that has kept us tied to false beliefs about ourselves. Keep notes on what you read. You can do this however you like. It doesn’t need to be a big production or a complicated system. Just do something to emphasize the important points and passages. When we stay with shame, we are learning how to tolerate pain. The more we can do this, the more our bodies will reveal their truth to us. Instead of instinctually avoiding pain, we can meet it with kindness and curiosity. We can ask it questions and learn about it, without being consumed by it.”
Book Publishing Love In Another Time - Troubador Book Publishing
This is where Whole Again kind of lost me. There's a lot of talk about unconditional love, above the need to not judge yourself, about toxic shame dissolving in the light of love. And, I understand that the book is right that external factors cannot solve a problem that comes not just from within, but from the fundamental parts of one's self. No matter how many people tell you that they love you, that you're a good person, that your effort is good and that your work is worthwhile, if you don't believe it you'll always find some reason why those people were lying, or they weren't lying but that was then and this is now, or--perhaps the most insidious--that you've fooled them into thinking you're good even though you're actually terrible. Sardinia, 2006. Ellie’s granddaughter Sara is sent by her company to Cagliari. On a night out, she meets Luca, an archaeologist and professor. Their love affair mirrors that of her grandmother and Gino’s from over forty years before. Along with the harsh realities the book covers ways to start healing, the importance of understanding so you can clearly see for the first time. How you will grieve loss and how to get good help for yourself and how you can feel better. I know that healing can be a long journey, often feeling too long but this book will give you hope and clarity. Shame itself is not inherently a bad emotion. Shame can be helpful to identify when you’ve done something wrong and motivate you to reconcile it (and avoid doing it again in the future). The problem is when shame goes from an emotion to an identity. Instead of “you’ve done something bad,” the message becomes “you are bad.” This is toxic shame, and this is how we end up rejecting our true selves. I found solace in knowing that the actions of others not necessarily have something to do with me but with their internal struggle. As someone who left a very toxic, manipulative and abusive relationship, knowing that I wasn't at fault in some things that happened really helped me move past it.I am noticing my protective self now. It takes me a bit to realize why I am acting how I am, but at least I am in the stage of realization now. Their partner can say and do unacceptable things on a daily basis, which the codependent will try to explain and understand (“they had a difficult childhood!”). But the moment codependents make a single mistake, they berate themselves for it, obsess over it, and wonder if they’re crazy. For this reason, they come up short in relationships, over and over again. Because they’re unable to recognize that the balance is skewed, and unable to recognize that they’re not getting what they deserve from a healthy relationship. Their self-doubt keeps things forever skewed in their partner’s favor.”
Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your
Perfectionists use it to become what they think an ideal spiritual person should look like, eternally seeking to be “good enough” for spiritual love.Step 2: You experience betrayal, trauma, abandonment, judgment, or rejection from a trusted loved one. There is considerable emotional chaos, a loss of control. Nassim Taleb sums things up with a rule for all readers: “A good book gets better at the second reading. A great book at the third. Any book not worth rereading isn’t worth reading.” Where to Go From Here In Chapter 1 of Atomic Habits, I wrote: “Learning one new idea won’t make you a genius, but a commitment to lifelong learning can be transformative.” Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy(R) (PACT), and author of Wired for Love and We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love The mum-of-five wrote: “I’m so excited to announce the news that I’m releasing a new book, Whole Again: My Story. It’s my third autobiography, and I must admit, it’s the hardest one I’ve ever done.
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