Have You Eaten Grandma?

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Best thing ever, laugh-a-lot, spanning everything. Great book, I'm loving this Chris Evans, BBC Radio 2 This is a grammar guide that only Gyles Brandreth could write! Full of humour throughout, this is his definitive guide to punctuation, spelling and good English for the twenty-first century * Stratford-Upon-Avon Herald *

Many competent writers can do everything Brandreth recommends in the book, but would be hard pressed to enunciate the rules in a clear and entertaining fashion. This is where Brandreth excels: he is brilliant, for instance, on the difference between the semicolon and the colon. “Look at the colon and think of it as a pair of binoculars placed vertically on the table,” he advises. “It is there to help you look ahead.” He is sound, too, on dashes and apostrophes; on the difference between “may” and “might”; on how to form unusual plurals (“lord lieutenants”, “attorneys general”). I was especially pleased to see him insisting that you need a comma “to separate two independent clauses when they are linked by a coordinating conjunction” (like “and” or “but”), since one person who used to have the misfortune to edit my writing systematically removed all the ones I put in, which was a dagger to my tiny heart every time. Brandreth insists that beginning a letter ‘Hi, Gyles’, with a comma between salutation and name, is ‘sinister’ This is a grammar guide that only Gyles Brandreth could write! Full of humour throughout, this is his definitive guide to punctuation, spelling and good English for the twenty-first century Stratford-Upon-Avon Herald It can be much harder than it seems; commas, colons, semi-colons, and even apostrophes can drive us all mad at times, but it riles no one more than the longest-serving resident of Countdown’s Dictionary Corner, grammar guru Gyles Brandreth.In this brilliantly funny tirade on grammar, Brandreth anatomizes the linguistic horrors of our times, tells us where we’ve been going wrong (and why) and shows us how, in the future, we can get it right every time. Is ‘alright’ all right? You’ll find out right here. From dangling clauses to gerunds, you’ll also discover why Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.In Have You Eaten Grandma?, he waxes lyrical about the importance of language as, after all, it is what we use to define ourselves and is ultimately what makes us human. Have You Eaten Grandma? by Gyles Brandreth – eBook Details All this bluster leads into what we’re really here for: language hating. (Full disclosure: I read this book knowing I was going to probably hate it. And I did, so I guess we’re even.) Brandreth says that his mission in writing this book is “to anatomise some of the linguistic horrors of our time”. Linguistic horrors. I saw that one coming. (Another thing I’m sad to say that I saw coming: The chapter with linguistic horrors ends on shaming a young woman. Because of course it does.) This is my guide to that minefield. When it comes to punctuation, spelling, and the use of English in today’s world, I’m here to tell you what’s right, what’s wrong, when it matters, and when it doesn’t.Prove it, Brandreth. Because these kinds of comments are not made by people who study language. Linguists don’t rank languages in terms of how “rich” they are – because that doesn’t make any sense. You can like a language more than another, but that’s akin to liking one kind of fruit more than another. It’s doesn’t make your favorite fruit better or worse than others. And your opinion matters about as much as a rotten banana. Pedantic about punctuation or scrupulous about spelling? You'll love this hilarious and definitive guide to 21st century language from grammar-guru Gyles Brandreth Our language is changing, literary levels are declining, and our grasp of grammar is at a crisis point. From commas to colons, apostrophes to adverbs, there are countless ways we can make mistakes when writing or speaking. But do not despair! Great Britain’s most popular grammar guru has created the ultimate modern manual for English speakers on both sides of the Atlantic. But this is another common trope in these language-hating books. They claim that good grammar equals happiness. What they don’t say (because I don’t think they realize it) is that what they really mean is if everyone spoke and wrote like the author, then the author would be happier. Because the author hates other people for the way that they use language. And the author can see no other solution to this problem then getting everyone else to change. Hence, the language hating book that you’re reading. Brandreth isn’t even original with this idea. Here’s an earlier example of the grammar = happiness nonsense from N. M. Gwynne, another person who hates language. I’m going to start off with good stuff in this book. Then we’ll move on to the meh stuff and end with the garbage fire material.

Language is also what makes us human. As the philosopher Bertrand Russell remarked, “No matter how eloquently a dog may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents were poor but honest. Only language can do that.” I’m a patron of the Queen’s English Society—a charity that aims to keep the English language safe from perceived declining standards—but I’m not a dyed-in-the-wool traditionalist. I love the old, but I’m intrigued by the new. And sometimes excited by it, too. Looking at the English language today is like looking out over the city of London from the top of Big Ben. Spread below you, you will see old buildings that have stood the test of time and have a beauty and grandeur that lift the spirit. And alongside them, often dwarfing them, you will see new buildings, too, and you will think that some of them are striking and inspiring and that some are monstrously ugly and should never have been put up in the first place. The landscape of the English language is much the same. The person or thing doing the action is the subject of the sentence. The subject is either a noun or a pronoun.” (p. 288, bolding Brandreth’s)If you are from one of the nations that England colonized and got through that without cringing, here is more. And this is about the name of the book. Pedantic about punctuation or scrupulous about spelling? You'll love this hilarious and definitive guide to 21st century language from grammar-guru Gyles Brandreth.

Best thing ever, laugh-a-lot, spanning everything. Great book, I'm loving this * Chris Evans, BBC Radio 2 * Gyles Brandreth is one of Britain’s busiest after-dinner speakers and award ceremony hosts. He has won awards himself, and been nominated for awards, as a public speaker, novelist, children’s writer, broadcaster (Sony), political diarist (Channel Four), journalist (British Press Awards), theatre producer (Olivier), and businessman (British Tourist Authority Come to Britain Trophy). Have you Eaten Grandma?" Good question. And one you could legitimately ask of your brother, your sister, or any of your first cousins, should you suspect them of being cannibalistically inclined.Suspiciously absent from that list are words like “linguist” or “language professional” or even “person who reads books on linguistics and grammar”. Also, how come Brandreth’s family – if they brought him up with a love for words – didn’t already have a copy of Fowler’s? An informal guide to punctuation, spelling and good English for the twenty-first century * Strong Words * If we’ve not met before, let me introduce myself. My name is Gyles Brandreth, and I’m a language obsessive and a punctuation perfectionist. (That doesn’t mean to say I always get it right, but I always aim to.) My mother was a teacher; my father was a lawyer; they brought me up with a love of words. And they sent me to good schools. I was educated by teachers of English who knew their grammar and the value of it. As a child I read dictionaries at breakfast and asked for a copy of Fowler’s Modern English Usage for my tenth birthday. I have loved word games all my life. When I was twenty-three, I founded the National Scrabble Championships. Since then, whether as a journalist or a broadcaster, an actor or a member of Parliament, words have been central to my life. I am proud to be the longest-serving resident in Countdown’s Dictionary Corner on Channel 4, the host of BBC Radio 4’s Wordaholics, a regular on Radio 4’s Just a Minute, a reporter on The One Show on BBC1, and the chancellor of the University of Chester. Words are my everything. I particularly liked the section on mnemonics, a device to help you remember something. Some of Gyles Brandreth’s mnemonics are hilarious. This can be a help just if you can remember the mnemonic you have created for yourself.

Have You Eaten Grandma? is a fun and handy book about the complexities of the English language and the power it holds (it just might save your grandma’s life). In a recent survey, four out of five teachers expressed concern about the vocabulary range of their teenage pupils. Apparently, “many are unable to understand questions in GCSE [single-subject exams] and SATs test papers, leading in some cases to low self-esteem.” Some eleven-year-olds did not know words such as “complete,” “replace,” and “insert.” Some sixteen-year-olds struggled with “explain,” “identify,” and “analyze.” Another survey revealed that while nine out of ten primary school children in the UK could identify a Dalek, only a third could recognize and name a magpie. The world is changing and words are disappearing. The majority of primary school children these days are city-dwellers, and up to two-thirds of them, it seems, are unfamiliar with such lovely words as these: ALL THE RESEARCH!!! Does Brandreth cite any of all the research? No. Of course he doesn’t. You’ll just have to trust him that all. the. research. says this.

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Whether you are obsessed with getting grammar right, baffled by grammar or (like us) just in love with words, you are going to love this. A hilarious and definitive guide to 21st-century language * Newcastle Evening Chronicle * The Queen is British, of course, though partly of German heritage. Her husband is British, too, though born in Greece and brought up in France and Germany. They both speak good English, as do their children and grandchildren. Because the sovereign is the head of state and traditional fount of honor and wisdom in the land, good “correct” English has been called “the Queen’s English” (or “the King’s English”) for at least six hundred years. Shakespeare used the phrase in his play The Merry Wives of Windsor. But to speak good English you don’t have to sound like the Queen. Good English isn’t about your accent: it’s about your ability to communicate—clearly, effectively, and (when you want to) passionately. To me, punctuation matters and good spelling is essential. Clear written communication depends on them. The words we use and the way in which we use them are fundamental, but the nuts and bolts of grammar – and the vocabulary of the grammarian – are less important to me. […]