And the male gaze is less laser-like on a nudist beach too, as men find their own anatomy coming under female scrutiny, for a change. And splashing through the surf in the buff is an exhilarating blast of bliss that will stay with you for ever. Then, just to be really kinky, I fantasised about other people putting their clothes back on as well. Especially when pods of dolphins shoot the waves beside you, guaranteeing an endorphin or, rather, endolphin high.

Because what a nudist beach teaches you is that there’s only one vital quality for a backside — that you never, ever talk out of it. I’d also been worried Liz was going to force-feed me Goopy Gwynnie-type bone broth with the occasional nibble of organic, nonirradiated, biodynamic, fairtrade tofu. What makes Byron perfect for your first nudist beach experience is that it’s one of the most laid-back places on the planet. This barefoot lavish spa retreat stretches across 50 eucalyptus-laden acres with scattered luxury private villas overlooking the sea.When clad in swimwear, we women are constantly comparing ourselves to a Baywatch babe or Love Island contestant.

He’d clearly been inspired by those African tribeswomen who wear rings on their necks to aid elongation. Most of the female nudists were flaunting elaborately bejewelled vajazzles (glittery pubes) or a regulation Brazilian, which resembles a landing strip for a mosquito. At the iconic Raes restaurant we devoured what we’d been skinny-dipping with earlier — yellowfin tuna crudo (spiced with finger lime), seared grouper (with bronze fennel), bay lobster glazed in chilli spiced sea urchin .

I opted for a crawl back up the beach like a jungle commando dodging enemy fire, my face a few inches from the sand. For example, when I was growing up, skinniness was inniness, but today a full derriere is de rigueur. The most important advice to remember on a nudist beach is to slather factor 50 sunscreen on everything; otherwise you’ll soon have a hotter arse than Kim Kardashian. Forget whale watching; my binoculars were on the lookout for Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman et al. The main upside to getting older is learning to love the skin you’re in and the knowledge that it’s pointless worrying about your figure because body fads come in one era .