If that is the case, your partner learned what you needed and validated you accordingly. He may have seen how happy and confident you seemed when you were losing weight or toning up or practicing intense restriction around food, and he also may have witnessed how depressed and self-conscious you seemed when you gained weight or lost muscle definition or stopped dieting. He may have internalized the idea that you are happiest and most confident when you are at your thinnest, when that isn’t actually the case. You have now learned the truth — you are actually happiest and most confident when you see yourself and others see you as more than a body to be looked at, judged, and fixed. When your self-worth and happiness each day isn’t dependent on how you do or don’t look or what you do or don’t eat. When your confidence and fulfillment is based on experiences, actions, and feelings, it is much more sustainable in the long run. It is self-determined and self-directed, not earned or appraised based on how others look at you.

See your body as an instrument, not an ornament. Think of your body as a tool for experiencing life the way God intends, not just something to be looked at. Focus on how you feel and what you can do.I did agree with the idea that men should school their thoughts to not see women as objects. I will take it a step further: teach women not to see men as objects. I cannot tell you how many times I have been part of or overheard a conversation of a bunch of ladies admiring a male's physique in an objectifying way. If we are going to be fair, it has to be fair. How do you feel about your body? Have you ever stayed home from a social activity or other opportunity because of concern about how you looked? Have you ever passed judgment on someone because of how they looked or dressed? Have you ever had difficulty concentrating on a task because you were self-conscious about your appearance? An indispensable resource for women of all ages, this is a guide to help us better connect to ourselves, to value ourselves, to love ourselves, and ultimately, to be ourselves."—Chelsea Clinton The second group is fighting to fit broader ideas of beauty and empowerment within the prison walls of objectification. I wish I had all the money to buy this for every woman & teenage girl I know. And, while I'm at it, all the teenage boys and men would learn a lot from reading it too. I wanted to cry when I read (and recognized) the process young girls go through: we start out thinking of our bodies as a place where we live and play (an internal experience), but over time we are moved to an external perspective where our thoughts center on how our body looks—what we see and what we imagine others see & think about our bodies (self-objectification).

Our first book, More Than a Body, published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, is available everywhere! Get your copy today! Find it anywhere books are sold, including every retailer linked below:The fact that you have a body — regardless of your appearance or ability level — means that you innately have access to physical power. Your body is an instrument to be used for your benefit, and not a burden to drag around, hiding and fixing along the way. Want to develop positive body image? When you learn to value your body for what it can do rather than what it looks like, you improve your body image and gain a more powerful sense of control. The truth is, regardless of what you look like, or what you think you look like, you can feel good about yourself because you are not your appearance. Value your body for what it can do by engaging in physical activity. It will change your life and boost your body image in a way you never thought possible. An indispensable resource for women of all ages, this is a guide to help us better connect to ourselves, to value ourselves, to love ourselves, and ultimately, to be ourselves."

I totally agree that clothes can be hard to find in certain shapes and sizes. I am one of those sizes, but when I look around, most people are hard to fit no matter what their size. But the history of clothing sizes and why they are what they are is another story that the authors didn't study that much. The world needs this book and the revolution the Kite sisters are fighting. While reading this book, I felt a tidal wave of anger chapter after chapter. I’m angry with the beauty industry, media, diet culture, and my own self-objectification. I’m angry for my 7-year-old self who already felt embarrassed when I went to my dance class because I was bigger than the other girls. I’m angry for my own little girls, and the world I cannot shield them from. Our bodies are instruments for our own personal use, experience, and benefit- not ornaments to be admired.” In junior high, I spent all my time wrapped up in athletics. It’s what I loved and I excelled at it. … I was a softball player. A catcher. A short setter in volleyball. I was proud of my physical abilities, believing I could do anything I put my mind to. I LOVE exercise. I love the way it makes me feel. Is it because I need to fit into a size 2 pant or a size small shirt? No. It’s because I want to be able to feel strong, powerful, and confident. There is a sense of accomplishment when a certain speed or mileage is accomplished – a joy that cannot adequately be described. Everyone can and should participate in some form of physical activity. Not just to keep their bodies healthy and strong, but to improve their own belief in their physical abilities and to encourage others along the way.”I wanted to like this book as it came well-recommended by a friend. But I just can't. I am sorry, my friend. All right, all right, all right: The affable, laconic actor delivers a combination of memoir and self-help book. But not the way the rest of the world tells you your body is powerful. We are constantly sold the lie that makeup, weight loss, new clothes, cosmetic surgery, etc., are empowering for women. The thing is, they’re not. We’re confusing “empowerment” with “feeling beautiful” or, more specifically, “feeling like other people think we look good.” Empowerment has to be so much more dynamic and encompassing than that. “Power” cannot be minimized to something that is gained and wielded through appearance or beauty. “Power” from beauty is cheap. It is fleeting and can be consumed and discarded at any moment. Your power isn’t just in your beauty; it’s in who you are and what you do. It is also in your physical power – the power to be, and do, and live, and move. Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks. We love these first-hand accounts of Beauty Redefined fans who found positive body image through the power of their own bodies in a huge variety of activities: