With no holds barred, it’s the home of sex positive chat, where Miranda will be joined each week by sexperts and special guests to explore the world of the erotic. I grew up thinking sex was shameful,’ Monieau adds. ‘I didn’t even know what masturbation really was, but I knew it was bad.

Especially if you have no previous experience with a 24/7 dynamic, do bear in mind, effective change is always incremental – the way your relationship looks is the product of needs, reactions and habits. It’s not something you can fundamentally change overnight!Ideally, you will already have some idea of why do you want to add punishment to the dynamic, but really delve into it. What appeals to you about the idea? What appeals to your partner? Do you have previous experiences with punishment? What is the idea of punishment you have in your head and why? It really helps to understand what pre-conceptions you are both coming to this with.

Speech Restrictions- The submissive is not allowed to talk to the Dominant. For me, this would be a very painful punishment. I need a voice and to be unable to speak to him would be very painful. While there are lots of comprehensive lists out there, I would strongly recommend you put your phone away and start with your partner instead. (Just…errr you know, not right this second. Finish reading this first, obviously.) I understand it’s an easy trap to fall into as a new dominant – it’s very easy to feel as if you are supposed to be in control of everything and if your sub is acting out, well that surely must mean you have not done x1 domination correctly. Surely, if you just punished them enough or better or more, they wouldn’t do x thing. There are many physical types of punishments and those are the ones we typically think of. And while impact play can be a part of your BDSM relationship, the Dominant shouldn’t push the submissive with corporal punishments that push them beyond their limits. Safe words can be used during punishment if they are needed. The Dominant shouldn’t use punishment in moments of anger and they should remain in control. Submissives have to work on themselves first,’ she explains. ‘A lot of subs fall into the trap of wanting a dominant to basically just fix all their problems.Punishment is a great tool, but as most great tools, it can do a lot of damage in the wrong hands. If you’re in a dynamic with any of the above, you should, at the very least, take a good, long look at your relationship and strongly consider whether it might be abusive. This might seem like a question with one answer. But in reality, the role of submissive punishment in your dynamic will be somewhat nuanced and personal to you. A sub starts ‘bratting’ – often by doing something they have expressly been told not to in a ‘really, seriously, do not do thing’ kind of way – in an effort to get attention and funishment. (Bratting is another whole kettle of fish, which I will cover at another time). Choose a safe word: it's important to establish a safe word so you can swiftly end any scenario you're not comfortable with if things get too much – and don’t be afraid to use it. As with all sex, kink should be completely consensual so if one or both of you isn’t enjoying the experience, use that safe word and stop immediately.

For example, if part of the rationale behind punishment is to atone and put an end to the issue, sooner is better than later. But if you’re going for deterrence, maybe giving your sub a week or two to contemplate the impending consequences is a good idea. Fetishists tend to require the object of their attraction at hand to become sexually aroused. 'Kinky sex involves something that you enjoy adding to your experiences, as opposed to a fetish, which suggests you are dependent on that idea/experience for your sexual arousal and enjoyment and cannot experience sexual satisfaction without it,' says Sheppard. Things they find pleasurable- The Dominant should find out things that submissive would like to try or things that she really likes and give her more of that as a reward Maybe it’s something as easy as allowing her to masturbate while taking a hot bath or as elaborate as a spa day being pampered. Be creative with this one. Remember and have a think about how disagreement or dealing with emotion looks in your relationship – do you usually need space? Does your partner? Do you need to talk everything through before the emotions can be resolved?Section 1: Understanding Punishment in D/s Relationships Are you actually looking to punish your sub? This kinky little game requires the correct accessories, but once you've invested in a vagina pump you're all set. Pussy and clit pumps work by creating a vacuum over the labia and/or clitoris. Increasing blood flow makes the area become (temporarily) engorged and consequently more sensitive and ergo more pleasurable; perfect for a good pounding. 17. Temperature play Before you get into BDSM, you need to work out what you really want from submission. If you have a sign saying you’re here for the taking, people will take advantage of it.’ BDSM slave to my Owner since 2004. I’m a housewifecunt, a servant of both the domestic and sexual variety. Both my daily and long term goal consists of one thing: Please my Owner. Exactly how to please him changes depending on his desires at the time. Some days I succeed; some days I do not. You can follow kaya's life at Underhishand.com.