Also he had the funniest reason to need to crash. Dude lived on a sailboat, but somebody stole his rowboat that day, so how could I say no to "I'm too drunk to swim home."

I'd also recommend Morris Gleitzman's Two Weeks with the Queen, about a young boy whose brother is seriously ill and writes to the Queen asking for her help. Poignant, funny, and profound.' The following day, he went on facebook and made a number of very cruel personal comments about me, and then when I rang him in tears to tell him to take it down and that he should apologise for the mess he'd made of the kitchen (which I'd had to clean up) he recorded the conversation, uploaded it to youtube and then made great efforts to distribute it on reddit and across facebook. No idea why his embarrassment at being a drunken a** evolved into being a bully, but it's been 10 years and I still avoid him if I bump into him in the street. Psycho creep. As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language.” – David Mitchell

Naturally, she’s keen to apply all the techniques she’s learned in her teacher training, and in particular, she’s keen to use what she’s learned in her psychology class. This is my favorite story of waiter revenge from my personal history, but at the same time, it’s a cautionary tale. It takes a lot to push most people over the edge and make them do things they normally pride themselves on not doing, like food tampering. But it can be done. So the next time you call someone a cunt because they didn’t serve you fast enough, keep it in mind.

It goes without saying that the following contains some strong language, and very adult humour) Some fruity lines from rude comedians: We were having a party at my house. It was weird as f**k to begin with because my dad was having a hard time choosing between two women. He'd date one for a little while, then break up to date the other one for a little while, then realize he really loved the first one. It was a mess.

Why Do Funny Story Jokes Work?

Elsewhere, children's librarian Jo Clarke aka Bookloverjo shared her recommendation for children who love Horrid Henry's anarchic humour and chaotic storylines - Spangles Mc Nastyby Steve Webb and Chris Mould.

She points to one of our outdoor diners at the end of an alley, talking to her group of friends quietly and casually. She is also breastfeeding her child.

I was with men, women, men and women at the same time, with cross-dressers, and have cross dressed myself. The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.” – Greg Davies Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on. Short funny stories for adults: 1. The Lions and the Lamp: A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. That is an almost impossible question. It does not have a good answer because every reader has different opinions and preferences. Different stories remind them of their own experiences. When something feels familiar, they tend to like it. But there are a couple of short stories that have become famous because they resonate with lots of people. They are also good examples of ironic stories.

I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney He was still going on about how stupid I was when I looked him right in the eyeball and said, with an ever so slight suggestion of irony,”How’s your sandwich?” A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.Me: “I’m just thinking that if a woman breastfeeding is enough for you to worry about your sons, then you might be in for a surprise when you hit the Spanish beaches. Topless women are the norm there.” All of my wild sex escapades were in the midst of my disease and not with my wife. For me, it all centred around being pursued and pursuing others, it was never about the sex itself. From what I could tell when I came home afterward, there was a fermenting/rotting glass of our best liquor stash in my bedroom. He was thoughtful enough to not want to leave a water ring on our St. Vinnie's dresser, so he used a white silk shirt from my drawer as a coaster for their red whatever drink he had concocted. But who stays at someone's place and wears their dirty clothes? Wtf? Yeah, we laughed about it after they left but I couldnt help but be creeped out. John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.” 5. Caught in the act