Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict

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This book speaks my soul. Love every word in this book and really feel like I learnt things about myself and what makes friendships my most favourite thing. An astute analysis of what it means to be a friend, as well as a poignant discussion of what friendship means specifically to the text's author Elizabeth Day. This is a very personal and relatable account of cultivating and maintaining friendships throughout challenging times and phases of life - not always a smooth or rewarding process, which will resonate with many readers, as with myself. Unfortunately, for me, the book is most interesting where it is least like a confessional and most like a scientific exploration of friendship. For example the discussion of Cicero's De Amicitia or Dunbar's friendship circles are fascinating. What's less fascinating to me is Day's hand wringing about what text message she should send a shitty friend who she doesn't really like. As a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. But what about friendships? Aren't they just as – if not more – important? So why is it hard to find the right words to express what these uniquely complex bonds mean to us? In Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, Elizabeth Day embarks on a journey to answer these questions."

Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict - Elizabeth Day Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict - Elizabeth Day

As a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. But what about friendships? Aren't they just as – if not more – important? So why is it hard to find the right words to express what these uniquely complex bonds mean to us? In Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, Elizabeth Day embarks on a journey to answer these questions. A book about Elizabeth’s infertility (trigger warning!!!) thinly veiled as a book about friendship. I related to it so much and believe if every adult read this, we could all be experiencing more honest, deeper connections. It was also, though, just comforting and funny to read! It seems like a sad indictment of society that we even need to try and analyse friendships but the author sums it up herself….”We don’t have the terminology and until we sneak it into existence, it is difficult to express what we mean with any precision”This position may be horribly wrong for some people but it was noted down in the 80's so I'm sure its simple summary has since been superseded but it highlights the fact that if Day had just done a little bit more research she may have been able to really shed some light on male-to-male friendships and by way of contrast female-to-female friendships, and then friendship in general.

Friendaholic: THE NUMBER ONE SUNDAY TIMES BEST SELLER

What makes a ‘best friend’? According to a study quoted by the author, the label is defined as involving ‘a high degree of attachment, intimate exchange and support’ - and the researchers found that people with best friends ‘tended to have lower social anxiety, an increased sense of self-worth and fewer symptoms of depression… The label of ‘best friend’ did not have to be mutual to both parties and nor did participants have to name the same person at different stages. Crucially, it seemed to be quality not quantity that had the most impact’. Relationships/friendships are so complex and it is reassuring to read something, in an easy way, that means your experiences aren’t that unusual after all! Friendships are important and can be life-altering! Her only other source on male-to-male friendships is her male friend who doesn't have any. Seen as he doesn't have any or think they're any good they must therefore not exist right? That's just stupid. This male friend of hers who is the chosen expert on male friendship despite not having any says he's the type of guy who hates a stag do. Hmmmmm. I wonder if we should maybe look around for someone who likes the quintessential western male-to-male bonding experience before we just openly dismiss male friendship as a fiction. I turn to psychologist and professor Paul Wright to sum up the main difference between male and female friendships.I loved how Day approach this concept, from her early years through to today, and how her friendships (and many of the readers - well certainly me!) have evolved. But it's also sprinkled with a lot of research studies and historical references on this type of relationship in comparison to romantic ones. I was most interested in the chapters dealing with Friendship and Fertility. Personally, I have also dealt with fertility issues and am childless. I felt I lost friends when they became parents. Other friends avoid all discussions of pregnancy or children around me. Assumable as they do not know what to say around me. So, in the book, I loved reading about another woman's experiences in a similar situation. Suddenly, I felt seen! I realised that I wasn't paranoid and that my fertility issues affected my friendships. scientists have routinely overlooked the study of friendship because it has no reproductive value... But if friendship has no survival value, it certainly adds value to survival. We choose friendship - and this, in Aristotle's view, makes it a higher-level love because of the freedom of intention that lies behind it.

In brief: Games and Rituals; Friendaholic; The Women Who

And also Day brings her lovely writing style of honesty and humour which meant I devoured this in just a few days!AND THEN she referenced Anne of Green Gables which was the icing on the cake for me as that character means such a lot to me. I spent a lot of my time reading this book and thinking "Yes that happened to me" or "OMG that's me" or "I do/did that", so I feel it's a sign of a good book when so much of it relates or I feel seen. Elizabeth Day is an author, journalist and podcaster and if you’ve listened to her amazing podcasts How to Fail and more recently Best Friend Therapy, you’ll know she’s charming, witty and incredibly open. Friendaholic encapsulates all of that and more, and it’s my favourite book she’s written so far. I loved the structure of the book, with chapters about societal change e.g. "double tap to like" and "ghosting" interspersed with interviews with friends about friendship e.g. "Clemmie: Can friendships withstand big life shifts". This book definitely made me think a lot about the people in my life - the past and current friends that I’ve had and the roles they’ve played. It’s helped me to rationalise and reflect on my own experiences while reading about the authors. I feel a little less alone and a lot more equipped to handle certain situations with friends.