Human sexual behavior and desire are way more diverse than most people give them credit for. One person's "Oh,gosh no," can be another person's "Oh, hell yes,"and that is completely fine. So, if those nerves and embarrassment you're feeling are in any way related to thinking that what you want is "bad," I want to say two things to you: That diversity of sexual experience I mentioned also applies to how we categorize and describe our behaviors. Something that one person defines as super-taboo is totally unremarkable to someone else. You may find that spanking falls solidly within your definition of kinky (if that's even a word or frame you use), but that that you're not comfortable calling what you do BDSM. You may find that you're comfortable with the BDSM label, but that spanking doesn't match your definition of it. You may find that spanking falls into a separate category altogether, or no category at all. All of those outcomes are completely fine. What sensations feel sexual, and how we feel about them, are personal and variable. You get to name your desires in whatever way feels right to you and makes you the most comfortable. Our sexual lives and sexualities are totally DIY in this way. Generally, I try to make sure there is a good amount of "tradition" associated with a baring. I think that it needs to be ceremonious. I generally do not allow my submissive to bare themselves, save a few cases. But like lots of choices on the kink sexual buffet, spanking is not embraced by everyone. You’ll find that the butt is off-limits for a lot of adults, Fulbright warns. While some people find it exciting to have that area touched, others grapple with the psychological element of letting someone access a “taboo” area, even if your partner isn’t touching anywhere near your anus. Thanks to a certain recent hit book trilogy, there are many, many articles floating around about ways to add kink into your sex life. Many of these articles focus on making the experience "spicy" or "spontaneous," and less on telling you things like, "Do not hit your partner in the region above their butt because doing so could cause kidney damage." This results in articles that give incomplete or actually harmful advice.

My own spanking experience is limited. Sure, I’ve tenderised a steak with a rolling pin. I’ve even administered training to an unruly puppy. But channelling a 1950s headmaster is not a forte of mine. Before you start to explore spanking, safety words must be established – clear, one-word instructions given from the spankee to the spanker. England divides these words into: The point of this anecdote is that, especially if your submissive is looking more for the sexual pleasure and sensation of a spanking, you don't need to pull anything down if they aren't comfortable with it. So, you've decided to give a good hard spanking, and you've decided to want to pull some layers down because your submissive is a-ok with it!The hell do you want me to say? It's nice because you can see the results of your spanking, its often more embarrassing, and it hurts the most. If you find that spanking is something you are both willing to try (or if you discover that there is another activity that you'd like to explore) the next step is to find reliable sources about how to do that activity safely. But, what’s so hot about spanking a guy? She probably isn’t physically overpowering him, says Bussel, so he is making himself vulnerable to her. Since some guys see wanting to be spanked as emasculating, she adds, this means a guy is being especially trusting. Whether you’re the spanker or the spankee, Bussel says to approach the “hey, can we try this” discussion forthrightly but without pressure. Since the subject can sometimes be off-putting, approach the act as something you and your partner just trying, she says, not something you want to do every night (even if you do). How To Spank Like A Pro This method is excellent for giving that "classic" feel to a spanking, even though it takes longer. I find that it works the best for warm ups as well.

In talking to your boyfriend, you can always opt for the direct approach, which is to say something like "Hey boyfriend, I am curious about how it would feel to be spanked during sex. Are you comfortable trying that?" If he says yes, then you can proceed from there. If he says no, or otherwise indicates that he's not into the idea, then spanking will remain a fantasy only activity for the time being.

If you're leaning towards yes, then the best way to satisfy your curiosity is to try it out (with your boyfriend's consent, of course, which we'll get to in a moment). Keep in mind that trying spanking once doesn't mean you're agreeing to be spanked every time you have sex. If you try it and you don't like it, you can stop. You might try it and find that you like it, but don't want a steady diet of it. Like any other sexual activity, trying spanking once doesn't mean that you have to, or will want to, experience it every time. Or, you might try it and find that it's something you want on a frequent basis. There are no rules here.

You might be wondering why I waited a while to discuss hard and soft limits, but I felt it was appropriate to discuss them up against baring and clothing, since this is really where hard and soft limits are going to apply much more closely. There are many factors (including those societal expectations I mentioned earlier) that make communicating about sex a daunting thing to learn. But believe me when I say that future-you is going to be very glad they started that process sooner rather than later. Being able to talk openly about what you want and negotiate boundaries with a partner is an important component of having a healthy sexual relationship -- not to mention a satisfying sex life! -- so the sooner you start practicing, the better. Indeed, it’s not hard to see how people who were spanked as children (or physically abused in at any point in life) may cringe at spanking during sex. For lots of us, hitting is scary, angry, and unpredictable. Trust Your Spanker Let's pause here to discuss the possibility that he may feel uncomfortable just talking about spanking. Not the most comforting thought, but you can still prepare for that outcome. Remember- I have more experience than someone just starting out. It's OK if your submissive just wants to try a basic spanking without any bells and whistles, overtop of jeans or leggings or what-have you.It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.