And being less available is utterly liberating, because it’s about actively choosing what’s best for you.

Time and again, I’ve found that saying no and figuring out what I need to say no to paves the way to something so much better.Ebooks fulfilled through Glose cannot be printed, downloaded as PDF, or read in other digital readers (like Kindle or Nook). Going into a new semester, it made me think about how giving 100% can look different in different circumstances and that’s okay!

As adults then, we must disentangle ourselves from this outdated and often detrimental conditioning. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. I saw the positive impact pretty much immediately in my emotional, mental, and physical well-being, and so much changed in my life when I started to prioritize and take care of myself, as well as be more me. As “recovering people pleaser” Natalie Lue opens her book, The Joy of Saying No , “Suppressing and repressing my needs, desires, expectations, feelings, and opinions to try to influence and control other people’s feelings and behavior was as natural to me as breathing. But as it turns out, our brain’s habit headquarters – the basal ganglia – don’t differentiate between helpful and unhelpful behavioral patterns.Viel zu oft kam ich mir ertappt vor, gleichzeitig aber auch immer mit einer Spur Erleichterung: "Ich bin nicht allein damit". In 2018, just over a year after he died, I gave a talk at the Mindful Living Show in London about how to use mindfulness to break a people-pleasing habit. Wat ook sterk is aan haar verhaal is dat ze ook de kant belicht dat dingen niet ineens lukken en je ongetwijfeld meerdere malen de fout in zal gaan. But given that this sea change was prompted by a health crisis, I was more scared of dying or being in really ill health than I was of having boundaries. I sometimes feel obligated to say yes all the time and the book gave me some strategies to help with that.